pragalagma

She enjoyed shocking people. The press had a field day reporting her various scandalous activities, among which included:
     * Wearing make-up
     * Smoking on the roof of the White House
     * Bragging about speeding in her friend's roadster... while unchaperoned
     * Placing a bet at a racetrack
     * Wearing a boa constrictor around her neck... in public
     * Jumping into a pool fully dressed at one of her dad's junkets
     * Setting off firecrackers and shooting at telegraph poles... from a train

Needless-to-say, women idolized her, and she became the source of songs and poems.

A particular gray-blue color was her favorite, so it was named after her (Alice Blue).

Her father once said: "I can either run the country or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both."

She often possessed what she called ""malevolent detachment".

Ever since they were kids, she tormented her cousin, Eleanor Roosevelt, and would do impersonations of her.

She planted a voodoo doll of Nellie Taft, the new first lady after her father was succeeded, on the White House lawn, and mocked her "hippopotamus face".

She was known as Princess Alice, Mrs. L., and "the other Washington monument".

She loved gossip and is famously known for keeping a sofa pillow with the following phrase embroidered on it: "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me."

She once said, "Coolidge looks like he was weaned on a pickle."

She adopted a trademarked wide-brimmed hat and told President Lyndon Johnson she wore it so he couldn't get close enough to kiss her.

She played poker with Warren G. Harding, was JFK's favorite dinner guest, and acted as Richard Nixon's confidant.

On her piano, she had framed pictures of Joseph McCarthy and Fidel Castro side by side.

She died in 1980 at the age of 96. Her last act was to stick her tongue out at a friend sitting by her bedside.

They're the only whale that is white!

Their melon heads can send out sound and "read" their surroundings using echolocation. Plus they act as a cushions when belugas want to push through ice.

As belugas age, their color lightens; they go from dark gray to white. Neat.

Unlike most whales, they can turn their heads and can kind of make faces at you.

Their eyes can be found behind the corners of their mouth and their ears can be found behind their eyes.

Forty percent of the beluga is its blubber.

They swim with icebergs.

They are called the "canaries of the sea".



Do not be fooled by this website. It's filled with LIES.

When he was growing up he was a wild kid, a horse-thief, and a drunk. Apparently the local priest would pay him every week to stay away from church on Sundays.

Some say his grandfather took him as a young boy to visit a monastery, where he first felt religious urges. When they returned, Rasputin dug a hole in the garden and sat for days, absorbing Earth's powers.

Then he became a wandering holy man. Actual quote: "For experience and to test myself, I frequently did not change my undergarments for six months."

He still sinned publicly all the time, engaging in rampant bouts of drinking and womanizing, but because he convinced the Tsarina that he could heal her son's hereditary hemophilia, he stayed one of the most influential men in the government and could get away with just about anything.

His eyes were known to change colors.

He didn't know how to read.

He didn't just treat the Romanovs. His office hours were from 10 am to 1 pm, and any citizen of St. Petersburg could call on him for healing or spiritual support during that time.

In fact, he seldom visited the Imperial Family in the Palace.

Bet you didn't know! His daughter, Maria, became a circus performer and died in Los Angeles.

If you wanted to, you could attribute all of his successes to one thing: hypnotism.

Nobody likes a good hypnotist, however, so it's no wonder some aristocrats lured him to their home and fed him poisoned cakes. Unfortunately, they had no effect. Instead, no doubt in some creepy way, Rasputin asked them to sing for him. They got scared and shot him with a pistol. Which didn't have much of an effect. And he escaped. When they caught up to him, they shot him some more and beat him up. But he didn't actually die until they bound him and threw him into the river.

The Mad Monk is hiding somewhere in these two photographs! Can you spot him and foil his evil machinations?





Remember: All the people in these photographs have probably been hypnotized.

I didn't know who Mr. Mxyzptlk: is. I stumbled on the name and so I looked him up. Here's what I found:

He's a magical imp jester from the fifth dimension.

He appeared at first as a small bald man in a purple suit, green bow tie, and purple derby hat. But later he grew some hair and changed his color to orange.

By mistake, his name also got changed to Mr. Mxyxptlk.

Some clever blokes decided to explain the mistake by saying the two were actually different, and that one was an "Earth-1" version and the other was "Earth-2". Please.

Lex Luthor eventually taught him how to lie.

Mr. Mxyzptlk became an instrument for post-modern self-deprecating, self-referential humor, breaking the fourth wall and commenting wryly on editorial decisions and genre cliches.

Earth-1 version has a girlfriend named Ms. Gsptlsnz.

In the live-action TV show "Superboy", he is said to be a leprechaun.

This is how Superman sent him back to the fifth dimension (Click to enlarge):

Inspired by the McSweeney's Recommends page, here's my own attempt:

Henry's Recommends:

Stratego
I don't remember the rules to this board game but I have fond memories of playing it with my brother. It's red vs. blue with spies and bombs in glorious conflict. A merciful end to the bloodshed is delayed as the opposing generals squabble over how to properly pronounce the name.

Bamboo Shoots, also those little corns
Taking Chinese food to the next level.

Michael Palin
This guy's a class act all the way.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn
It's an epistolary novel, which means it's composed entirely of letters written back and forth by all the characters, which means that it won't take long to read, which means you might as well pick up a copy and read it, which means you won't be sorry.

Dr. Katz
This cartoon made with SquiggleVision (TM) is long gone, but it was pretty funny.

The Pixies
A great band. I often entertain fantasies that I'm in heaven and the Pixies circa 1990 are playing live. In Heaven, Everything is Fine.

White Noise
This really helps me fall asleep at night. A good powerful ceiling fan will usually do the trick.

Joust
Every time you hit the button, your ostrich mount's wings flap in this excellent 80's arcade game. Your enemies fly on evil buzzards and will turn into eggs if you bop their heads from above. Catch the eggs before they hatch into newer and more powerful enemies. As far as video games, I might also recommend Lemmings and Tetris.

QB through QL
This is the section of libraries that has aliens, UFOs, Bigfoot, Loch Ness, and all that good stuff. I was compelled as a child to cling fervently to this section and no other, fearful of ever venturing out into the mysterious unknown, aka the rest of the world.

Large Antique Scissors
Especially when they're a tarnished gold. I wonder, what did people cut with them? Was paper thicker back then?

Used CD Stores
What happened? Where did they go? There used to be three or four on the street by campus. Now they're all gone. This is where I want to buy my music. I like paying 8 bucks or maybe finding a discounted CD for 5. There's always that glorious time you go when you find exactly what you're looking for, like cosmic forces are conspiring in your favor.

Holograms
Where you move to one side and it seems to come alive. I want one made of me. Maybe where I'm giving a wink.

Finding out that the puppeteer of a Punch & Judy show is called a Professor
Or that Theodore Roosevelt, in the dead of winter on a river, once chased down a couple of thieves who stole his rowboat, and when he caught up with them he made them surrender, went and borrowed a wagon, set off cross-country with the thieves in custody, and trekked 40 miles on foot in snow-covered Badlands to finally bring them to justice, with the most memorable part being that during this time he managed to read all of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina.

Jackson Five
A few of their songs are proof of God's existence? Difficult to explain.

Admiral Ratbar
Try this at home: Take your Admiral Ackbar action figure and twist its head around 180 degrees so that the pointy part at the back of its head is now in the front where it looks like the nose of a rat. Now you've made Admiral Ratbar! He's the evil antithesis of saintly Admiral Ackbar. No doubt he's in cahoots with Jabba the Hutt. I like how he's still an Admiral.

Aglets
The little plastic sheaths on the ends of your shoelaces. Deftly facilitate easy passage through the holes, or "eyelets". Such spunk on those things. Inspiring.

The Artful Dodger
This is the character in Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist. He's the mischeivous rapscallion with the top hat and man's coat who introduces Oliver to Fagin. When I was a kid, I think I really wanted to be him.

Corvidae
I like the look of the crows and ravens.

Percussion
As in drums. This is going to be the huge thing this Summer.

The General
This Buster Keaton movie inspired Monty Python to make their movies' settings more realistic. Amazing and riveting.

African Tribal Figurines
When I go to a museum, this is pretty much the only area I want to check out. The artists often break up the body and face in such a way that I want to have this power.

Mixing Hummus with Chopped Tomatoes
What a winning combination. Probably best in synthesis with pita.

Walrae
Aye, the walrus is a fine animal.


Things you might like, but I don't:

Post-Henson Kermit the Frog
"Red, Red Wine" by UB40
Joe Matt's Peep Show
Emeril
The comedy of Drew Carey
Poker
The scene in Superman 3 where the ray turns the woman into a robot
Spawn
Sports video games
The science fiction of L. Ron Hubbard
Phantom of the Opera (the musical)
Home videos of mishaps and accidents
Star Wars, Episode II, Attack of the Clones
Hot tomatoes

Overrated:
Most french fries
Tim Burton

Also:
Does anyone else think that the Hey Ya song is actually pretty sad and melancholy?
Or that Korn is upbeat, silly, and happy sounding?

Tapirs are great. I was once told that I looked like one. They are living fossils.

Either that or aliens. I would make a fun facts list for them but there already is one. I think my favorite is that they can "outmaneuver a dog". But it ain't easy bein' a tapir. They may be going the way of the Stag-Moose.

I have had a passion for all things Prehistoric and Mammalian, or preferably some combination there-of, since I was a youth!

Approximately 11,000 years ago many of them became extinct. But why? The climate? Human hunters? Probably the latter, damn us.

You probably know of mammoths and smilodons (saber-toothed tigers), but what about the lesser known ones? They are gone and pretty much forgotten...

Giant Beaver

The size of a black bear, it was one of the largest rodents ever.

Know them by their ridged cutting teeth, deep skulls, and roundish, muskrat-like tails.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stag-moose

It looks like a cross between an elk and a moose.

It's got funny stilt legs.

Otherwise it was pretty much like a moose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short-faced Skunk

I couldn't find any information on this prehistoric beast, but it was very real.

And it once ruled this planet, no doubt with an Iron Fist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eohippus

The first horse and the smallest, it was 2 feet long and 9 inches high.

Another name for it is Hyracotherium, which oddly enough means "mole beast".

Admit it, you want one as a pet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dire Wolf

It was pretty much like a wolf except it had a bigger head.

Oh, and bigger teeth.

Did I mention it had shorter, sturdier legs as well? Yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wooly Rhino

As big as an elephant and it had two horns.

A complete intact body of one was found buried in mud.

If only it was still alive, what secrets would it reveal?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ground Sloth

Frickin' huge, it could get up on its hind legs.

It has the coolest name of all: MEGATHERIUM.

I really like the work of Japanese print artist Yoshitoshi, 1839-1892.



Biography
Biography with Selected Works
Big gallery
More Yoshitoshi Links

Gillray





Goya

The Sargasso Sea is one crazy locale!
It spans the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
Floating over the entire expanse is seaweed called sargassum.
Mariners once feared getting tangled in it or devoured by it.
It's been nicknamed the "Doldrums" because ships would be dead there in the water for weeks.
Also named the "Sea of Lost Ships" and the "Floating Desert".
It moves in a slow, clockwise drift.
Its water is warm and very clear and blue.
You might not realize it's an international meeting place for eels, who are drawn there by unknown forces.


Abraham Lincoln was more than meets the eye!
An 11 year old girl suggested he grow his beard, so he did.
"Bob" was what he decided to name his cat.
Though he wanted to fight in the Civil War, he couldn't, so some random guy volunteered to be his substitute and fight in his place.
A patent was awarded for the device he invented that could lift boats over shoals.
Blemish roll call: a wart on his right cheek, a scar on his thumb from an ax accident, and a scar over his right eye from a fight with a gang of thieves.
He and his wife held seances in the White House.
He liked wrestling and Edgar Allen Poe.


Anansi the West African spider god was tricksy!
He determined the borders of rivers during floods.
Heard of day and night? That's his doing.
Plus he taught mankind how to shovel.
He set himself up as the first king of the human beings.
All the tales and stories in the world are owned by him because he bought them from the sky god in exchange for some animals.
He met his match with the wax girl.
Later he was usurped by the chameleon.
Even if you tell the story of how he was usurped by the chameleon, Anansi gets the last laugh.

Hello All. Even before the new year, I had been inundated with demands to define the numbat. It may please you to know that I am finally resigned to my fate. What follows will not just be a typical list of fun facts of the numbat, but the actual definition of the numbat. Do with the information what you will. I only ask that you remember this: "Mercy, no matter the form, is an action of the super-human."



The definition of the numbat is as follows...

(please note the somber lack of exclamation points)

Numbats have 52 small teeth.

They have a long sticky tongue.

They are marsupials but with no pouch. How does this work? Dunno.

They live in logs.

Their diet is pure termite (20,000 per day), but sometimes there's an ant in there by accident.

Numbats are widely regarded as very photogenic.

They are slow moving.

Do not mistake my austerity for half-heartedness. I mean what I say.
I have defined the numbat!

How can I prevent my child from being replaced by a changeling?
Baptism is recommended.
A constant vigil on the child may also prevent exchange.
In the event of the watcher falling asleep, place a key next to the infant.
Also, the laying of a pair of men's pants, preferably the father's, over the cradle or on the child itself, may aid in prevention.

How do I know if I have a changeling?
It has a thick head and staring eyes, and does nothing but eat and drink.
You have grown tired of it.
It is very strong.
It gets sick.
If it hasn't said anything before now, and then it suddenly says, "Ho! Ho!"
It admits to being 800 years-old or older.
Go get the child weighed at a holy place. They'll tell you whether it is one or not.

So I've got a changeling, what can I expect?
In short, a miserable time.
It will laugh when things are going badly for you.
It won't live longer than seven years, although some might last eighteen or nineteen.

What should I do with my changeling?
Trick it into revealing itself.
Abuse it in some way so that the kidnappers arrive, complain, and switch your child back (preferred).
Burn it over flames.
Throw it in the water.

What happened to the mortal child replaced by a changeling?
They may become kings, or help purify the ugly underground people. Reports indicate their eyes become large and dreadful and the hems of their skirts are always dripping wet.

A good rule of thumb when dealing with changelings:

Follow any and all advice given by your community.

Kelly suggests the Frill Neck Lizard

They are not harmful to man!

Their frill can be "activated" by thought alone! Usually out of fright!

September is Frill Neck Lizard Lovers month! (because this is when they mate)

Nobody seems to agree whether they're called Frill Neck Lizards, Frilled Lizards,
Frill Necked Lizards, Frilled Neck Lizards, or even the moronic, Frilled Necked Lizards!

Look to the now-defunct two-cent Australian coin for a depiction of this animal... in relief!


Might I interest you in the wombat?

Wombats are the largest burrowers of all! Name a bigger one, I dare you!

Do not confuse wombats with numbats, another Australian marsupialoid!

A wombat is extremely strong! They can outdig a man with a shovel!

They use biting to express their feelings!

They are the most playful marsupials. This includes head butting, biting, running away to solicit a chase, and the indulging of shoulder rolls and somersaults!

Incidentally, playfulness is considered a measure of intelligence!

Also, the wombat's brain entirely fills its skull, and it has many surface convolutions. My point: Wombats are smarter than koalas!

They don't eat much! Just like some grass, but that's like it!


Let us never forget the kookaburra?

They refuse to build nests!

They are also known as the "laughing jackasses"!

Water is not in their diet!

They seem to like to wake people up!

The aborigines believed that any child who insulted a kookaburra would grow an extra slanting tooth!

They won't eat fish!

The Baroness: aka Anastasia DeCobray, wealthy European aristocrat and intelligence officer
Buzzer: aka Dick Blinken, Dreadnok who likes to play with chainsaws
Copperhead: operates the swamp vehicles
Destro: aka James McCullen Destro XXIV, field commander and supplier of arms and military hardware
Dr. Mindbender: scientist and master of mind control
Firefly: aka The Faceless Master, professional saboteur
Major Bludd: aka Sebastian Bludd, mercenary
Monkeywrench: aka Bill Winkie, Dreadnok who likes loud explosions, scared of big hairy spiders
Ripper: Dreadnok
Scrap Iron: anti-armor specialist
Serpentor: emperor
Storm Shadow: aka Thomas S. Arashikage, aka The Young Master, ninja
Thrasher: drives the Dreadnok's Thunder Machine
Tomax: one of the twin Crimson Guard Commanders, part-time business executive and part-time international terrorist
Torch: aka Tom Winken, Dreadnok who likes to play with fire
Wild Wiesel: Rattler pilot
Xamot: one of the twin Crimson Guard Commanders, part-time business executive and part-time international terrorist
Zandar: Zartan's brother
Zarana: Zartan's sister
Zartan: master of disguise, ruler of the Dreadnoks

Everyone knows the Tarsier is the smallest living primate, has a tail longer than its body, can easily fit snugly in the human hand, and is 36 million years old.





But Did You Know?

They are master leapers and expert hunters!

They have really big sharp needly teeth!

They grab birds in flight bigger than them and eat everything they catch whole, even like feathers and bones and things!

If an ape is the ancestor of a human, and a monkey is the ancestor of an ape, and a tarsier is the ancestor of a monkey, then the tarsier is your great-grandfather (presuming of course that you're human)!

Each of their eyes is bigger than their entire brain and larger than their stomach!

They can't move their eyes though, ha!, so they have to rotate their necks, which they can do nearly 360 degrees around!

The locals of Borneo thought this meant their heads could come off! Uh, Nope. Sorry!

Once again, an animal is named for an attribute of its foot! I would argue the tarsus bone in the foot isn't the tarsier's most distinguishing feature, but I'm apparently wrong!

They're a good example of something cute actually being something really vicious, and still cute!

Tarsiers drink regularly!

Some of them live in mangroves!

A tarsier may rub its face on branches to clean itself!

It will close its eyes when a predator comes near, then suddenly open them and bare its teeth to surprise and terrify the predator away!


All I can say is...


BRING IT ON!

Fun Facts about the Platypus:

At first they were dismissed as a hoax by the English!

They're a bunch of loners!

And they spend half the day eating!

One of their favorite foods is the "yabby", a crazy-looking crawfish whose scientific name is Cheerax destructor!

Platypi are the only venomous mammals in the world!

They've been on Earth 180 million years. Before that, who can say?!

The Australian aboriginas called them many things, including but not limited to: mallangong, boondaburra and tambreet!

Describing a platypus as "flat-footed" would be needlessly repetitive, since platypus means that!

Calling one a "duck-billed platypus" is also fool-hardy, because what platypus isn't?!

They make two noises. The first is like a puppy growl, the second is akin to the sound of a brooding hen!

Their bills are amazing and harness the power of electrical impulses to find food and secure gainful employment!

No external ear lobes!

HAPPY LIFE DAY!

It's that day of the year again, my chums: March 25th. Or, Life Day, as it is known to the wookies.



It's a personal holiday of mine. A couple of significant events in my life have occurred on this day. It is a day to honor new and bold beginnings.

Some Life Day Trivia:


On March 25, Sauron was defeated and his ring was destroyed, thus bringing about the start of the Fourth Age. Afterwards, it became New Year's Day for the Gondorans. And also on this day Sam and Rosie Gamgee gave birth to their first child, Elanor, whose name means "Sun Star".


In the real world, John Gutzon Borglum, sculptor of Mt. Rushmore, was born, as was Bela Bartok, David Lean, Howard Cosell, Gloria Steinem, Aretha Franklin, Elton John, and Sarah Jessica Parker.


This year the official animal of Life Day is the white tiger.


This is the White Tree of Gondor, official emblem of the nation of Gondor, and ergo, this year's selection of Life Day heraldry.


A long time ago, wookies on the planet Kashyyyk celebrated Life Day on March 25th. Because of the "Star Wars Holiday Special", everyone thinks Life Day is celebrated around Christmas time. This is patently false. And that's all I'm going to say on the subject.


On Life Day, the wookies light candles together in their homes and are spiritually transported to the starry heavens where they wear long red robes and walk solemnly to a sacred place. Somehow C3-PO and R2-D2 can travel there too, even though they're robots. Hey, Wookies don't judge. Anyway, Princess Leia gets high on something and sings the Life Day song (to the tune of a slow version of the Star Wars theme), and it goes a little something like this:

    We celebrate a day of peace.
    A day of harmony.
    A day of joy we can all share together joyously.
    A day that takes us through the darkness.
    A day that leads us into might.
    A day that makes us want to celebrate the light.
    A day that brings the promise that one day, we'll be free to live, to laugh, to dream, to grow, to trust, to love, to be.

Then she says:

"This holiday is yours but, we all share with you the hope that this day brings us closer to freedom, and to harmony, and to peace. No matter how different we appear, we're all the same in our struggle against the powers of evil and darkness. I hope that this day will always be a day of joy in which we can reconfirm our dedication and our courage. And more than anything else, our love for one another. This is the promise of the Tree of Life."



Happy Life Day, Everybody!

Labels: Life Day