pragalagma

Life Day Special Edition

March 25th is my personal holiday which I nicknamed Life Day.

This year…

The official animal of Life Day was the sublime and benthic grimpoteuthis, otherwise known as the “dumbo octopus”.



They actually flap their elephant ears while they swim.

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The super-slick, six-sided hexagon was the official shape.



This was largely due to NASA bringing us word that there is a giant hexagon-shaped cloud on Saturn.

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The Queen of Lemons was the official mascot.



Here she is in 1920 giving a thumbs-up to my brother Colin’s birthday (another excellent day).

And speaking of floramorphic humans, I stumbled on this weird circus poster of the "Wonderful Albino Family":



And I photoshop’d it and changed the text all around:



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This is the official Life Day link to a weird web site:

A blog about all things involving fake wood

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And this is the official unintentionally humorous comic book panel:



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Hope you had a Happy Life Day!

Labels: Life Day

MARCH 25TH
LIFE DAY 2 0 0 6

FYI: On this day the following real and fake events were said to occur:

Dante descended to the Inferno

Titan, Saturn's largest moon, was discovered

Britain abolished slavery

John Lennon and Yoko Ono started their Bed-In

The angel told Mary she was pregnant with God


The official animal of this year's Life Day is the binturong, or bearcat.
The bearcat is neither a bear nor a cat, it is a binturong. Note: it is frugivorous. And it smells of popcorn.


On this day, we honor the aviatrix.



We appreciate the juxtaposition of Pirates and Pioneers, this year's double-patches of official heraldry.



This is "Flight of the Witches" by Goya, this year's official Life Day work of fine art. It is one of the scariest paintings I've ever seen, but I like it a lot. In German, it is known as Hexenflug. Hereby, the official word of the day is hexenflug.     (it was going to be 'frugivorous" but I changed my mind)   Hexenflug can be used as a greeting or an exclamation. I would think if you were to see in real life the subject of this painting, yelling "Hexenflug!" would be an appropriate response. As would: crumpling up into a ball and praying you'll survive the night.


What should I do for Life Day?


You could play a game my friends and I like to call "Blindly-Draw-A-Boar". It's fun. We like it. You get some funny-looking boars out of it.



If you're me, you could get tested to become a green belt in kung fu.     (And no, I don't intend to pose as a black belt and wear my new green belt on my head like this gentleman, at least not where anyone else can see.)


You could read Alex's Ode to the Noble Binturong.


Hexenflug, neighbor!

Have a Happy Life Day!

Labels: Life Day

HOORAY FOR TODAY



Today, March 25th, is my personal holiday that I, for lack of a better name, call Life Day.

I celebrate it every year, just like the Wookiees do.

Happy Birthday to Henry II, Frank Oz and the chicken "Chicken Kentucky", who has the distinction of being the first partial birth in space.


This year the official animal of Life Day is the octopus.
It truly is the superhero of the deep.

    
We also honor on this day the precious few who have been inspired to adopt the semblance of the octopus to fight crime.

    
And what the hey, we'll even extend our appreciation to those who clearly do no such thing.


A silly man with no teeth, this year's selection of Life Day heraldry.



And I can't forget Ludo. He deserves a nod.


Have a Happy Life Day!

Thanks for celebrating it with me!

Labels: Life Day

She enjoyed shocking people. The press had a field day reporting her various scandalous activities, among which included:
     * Wearing make-up
     * Smoking on the roof of the White House
     * Bragging about speeding in her friend's roadster... while unchaperoned
     * Placing a bet at a racetrack
     * Wearing a boa constrictor around her neck... in public
     * Jumping into a pool fully dressed at one of her dad's junkets
     * Setting off firecrackers and shooting at telegraph poles... from a train

Needless-to-say, women idolized her, and she became the source of songs and poems.

A particular gray-blue color was her favorite, so it was named after her (Alice Blue).

Her father once said: "I can either run the country or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both."

She often possessed what she called ""malevolent detachment".

Ever since they were kids, she tormented her cousin, Eleanor Roosevelt, and would do impersonations of her.

She planted a voodoo doll of Nellie Taft, the new first lady after her father was succeeded, on the White House lawn, and mocked her "hippopotamus face".

She was known as Princess Alice, Mrs. L., and "the other Washington monument".

She loved gossip and is famously known for keeping a sofa pillow with the following phrase embroidered on it: "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me."

She once said, "Coolidge looks like he was weaned on a pickle."

She adopted a trademarked wide-brimmed hat and told President Lyndon Johnson she wore it so he couldn't get close enough to kiss her.

She played poker with Warren G. Harding, was JFK's favorite dinner guest, and acted as Richard Nixon's confidant.

On her piano, she had framed pictures of Joseph McCarthy and Fidel Castro side by side.

She died in 1980 at the age of 96. Her last act was to stick her tongue out at a friend sitting by her bedside.

They're the only whale that is white!

Their melon heads can send out sound and "read" their surroundings using echolocation. Plus they act as a cushions when belugas want to push through ice.

As belugas age, their color lightens; they go from dark gray to white. Neat.

Unlike most whales, they can turn their heads and can kind of make faces at you.

Their eyes can be found behind the corners of their mouth and their ears can be found behind their eyes.

Forty percent of the beluga is its blubber.

They swim with icebergs.

They are called the "canaries of the sea".



Do not be fooled by this website. It's filled with LIES.

When he was growing up he was a wild kid, a horse-thief, and a drunk. Apparently the local priest would pay him every week to stay away from church on Sundays.

Some say his grandfather took him as a young boy to visit a monastery, where he first felt religious urges. When they returned, Rasputin dug a hole in the garden and sat for days, absorbing Earth's powers.

Then he became a wandering holy man. Actual quote: "For experience and to test myself, I frequently did not change my undergarments for six months."

He still sinned publicly all the time, engaging in rampant bouts of drinking and womanizing, but because he convinced the Tsarina that he could heal her son's hereditary hemophilia, he stayed one of the most influential men in the government and could get away with just about anything.

His eyes were known to change colors.

He didn't know how to read.

He didn't just treat the Romanovs. His office hours were from 10 am to 1 pm, and any citizen of St. Petersburg could call on him for healing or spiritual support during that time.

In fact, he seldom visited the Imperial Family in the Palace.

Bet you didn't know! His daughter, Maria, became a circus performer and died in Los Angeles.

If you wanted to, you could attribute all of his successes to one thing: hypnotism.

Nobody likes a good hypnotist, however, so it's no wonder some aristocrats lured him to their home and fed him poisoned cakes. Unfortunately, they had no effect. Instead, no doubt in some creepy way, Rasputin asked them to sing for him. They got scared and shot him with a pistol. Which didn't have much of an effect. And he escaped. When they caught up to him, they shot him some more and beat him up. But he didn't actually die until they bound him and threw him into the river.

The Mad Monk is hiding somewhere in these two photographs! Can you spot him and foil his evil machinations?





Remember: All the people in these photographs have probably been hypnotized.

I didn't know who Mr. Mxyzptlk: is. I stumbled on the name and so I looked him up. Here's what I found:

He's a magical imp jester from the fifth dimension.

He appeared at first as a small bald man in a purple suit, green bow tie, and purple derby hat. But later he grew some hair and changed his color to orange.

By mistake, his name also got changed to Mr. Mxyxptlk.

Some clever blokes decided to explain the mistake by saying the two were actually different, and that one was an "Earth-1" version and the other was "Earth-2". Please.

Lex Luthor eventually taught him how to lie.

Mr. Mxyzptlk became an instrument for post-modern self-deprecating, self-referential humor, breaking the fourth wall and commenting wryly on editorial decisions and genre cliches.

Earth-1 version has a girlfriend named Ms. Gsptlsnz.

In the live-action TV show "Superboy", he is said to be a leprechaun.

This is how Superman sent him back to the fifth dimension (Click to enlarge):

Inspired by the McSweeney's Recommends page, here's my own attempt:

Henry's Recommends:

Stratego
I don't remember the rules to this board game but I have fond memories of playing it with my brother. It's red vs. blue with spies and bombs in glorious conflict. A merciful end to the bloodshed is delayed as the opposing generals squabble over how to properly pronounce the name.

Bamboo Shoots, also those little corns
Taking Chinese food to the next level.

Michael Palin
This guy's a class act all the way.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn
It's an epistolary novel, which means it's composed entirely of letters written back and forth by all the characters, which means that it won't take long to read, which means you might as well pick up a copy and read it, which means you won't be sorry.

Dr. Katz
This cartoon made with SquiggleVision (TM) is long gone, but it was pretty funny.

The Pixies
A great band. I often entertain fantasies that I'm in heaven and the Pixies circa 1990 are playing live. In Heaven, Everything is Fine.

White Noise
This really helps me fall asleep at night. A good powerful ceiling fan will usually do the trick.

Joust
Every time you hit the button, your ostrich mount's wings flap in this excellent 80's arcade game. Your enemies fly on evil buzzards and will turn into eggs if you bop their heads from above. Catch the eggs before they hatch into newer and more powerful enemies. As far as video games, I might also recommend Lemmings and Tetris.

QB through QL
This is the section of libraries that has aliens, UFOs, Bigfoot, Loch Ness, and all that good stuff. I was compelled as a child to cling fervently to this section and no other, fearful of ever venturing out into the mysterious unknown, aka the rest of the world.

Large Antique Scissors
Especially when they're a tarnished gold. I wonder, what did people cut with them? Was paper thicker back then?

Used CD Stores
What happened? Where did they go? There used to be three or four on the street by campus. Now they're all gone. This is where I want to buy my music. I like paying 8 bucks or maybe finding a discounted CD for 5. There's always that glorious time you go when you find exactly what you're looking for, like cosmic forces are conspiring in your favor.

Holograms
Where you move to one side and it seems to come alive. I want one made of me. Maybe where I'm giving a wink.

Finding out that the puppeteer of a Punch & Judy show is called a Professor
Or that Theodore Roosevelt, in the dead of winter on a river, once chased down a couple of thieves who stole his rowboat, and when he caught up with them he made them surrender, went and borrowed a wagon, set off cross-country with the thieves in custody, and trekked 40 miles on foot in snow-covered Badlands to finally bring them to justice, with the most memorable part being that during this time he managed to read all of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina.

Jackson Five
A few of their songs are proof of God's existence? Difficult to explain.

Admiral Ratbar
Try this at home: Take your Admiral Ackbar action figure and twist its head around 180 degrees so that the pointy part at the back of its head is now in the front where it looks like the nose of a rat. Now you've made Admiral Ratbar! He's the evil antithesis of saintly Admiral Ackbar. No doubt he's in cahoots with Jabba the Hutt. I like how he's still an Admiral.

Aglets
The little plastic sheaths on the ends of your shoelaces. Deftly facilitate easy passage through the holes, or "eyelets". Such spunk on those things. Inspiring.

The Artful Dodger
This is the character in Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist. He's the mischeivous rapscallion with the top hat and man's coat who introduces Oliver to Fagin. When I was a kid, I think I really wanted to be him.

Corvidae
I like the look of the crows and ravens.

Percussion
As in drums. This is going to be the huge thing this Summer.

The General
This Buster Keaton movie inspired Monty Python to make their movies' settings more realistic. Amazing and riveting.

African Tribal Figurines
When I go to a museum, this is pretty much the only area I want to check out. The artists often break up the body and face in such a way that I want to have this power.

Mixing Hummus with Chopped Tomatoes
What a winning combination. Probably best in synthesis with pita.

Walrae
Aye, the walrus is a fine animal.


Things you might like, but I don't:

Post-Henson Kermit the Frog
"Red, Red Wine" by UB40
Joe Matt's Peep Show
Emeril
The comedy of Drew Carey
Poker
The scene in Superman 3 where the ray turns the woman into a robot
Spawn
Sports video games
The science fiction of L. Ron Hubbard
Phantom of the Opera (the musical)
Home videos of mishaps and accidents
Star Wars, Episode II, Attack of the Clones
Hot tomatoes

Overrated:
Most french fries
Tim Burton

Also:
Does anyone else think that the Hey Ya song is actually pretty sad and melancholy?
Or that Korn is upbeat, silly, and happy sounding?

Tapirs are great. I was once told that I looked like one. They are living fossils.

Either that or aliens. I would make a fun facts list for them but there already is one. I think my favorite is that they can "outmaneuver a dog". But it ain't easy bein' a tapir. They may be going the way of the Stag-Moose.

I have had a passion for all things Prehistoric and Mammalian, or preferably some combination there-of, since I was a youth!

Approximately 11,000 years ago many of them became extinct. But why? The climate? Human hunters? Probably the latter, damn us.

You probably know of mammoths and smilodons (saber-toothed tigers), but what about the lesser known ones? They are gone and pretty much forgotten...

Giant Beaver

The size of a black bear, it was one of the largest rodents ever.

Know them by their ridged cutting teeth, deep skulls, and roundish, muskrat-like tails.

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Stag-moose

It looks like a cross between an elk and a moose.

It's got funny stilt legs.

Otherwise it was pretty much like a moose.

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Short-faced Skunk

I couldn't find any information on this prehistoric beast, but it was very real.

And it once ruled this planet, no doubt with an Iron Fist.

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Eohippus

The first horse and the smallest, it was 2 feet long and 9 inches high.

Another name for it is Hyracotherium, which oddly enough means "mole beast".

Admit it, you want one as a pet.

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Dire Wolf

It was pretty much like a wolf except it had a bigger head.

Oh, and bigger teeth.

Did I mention it had shorter, sturdier legs as well? Yes.

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Wooly Rhino

As big as an elephant and it had two horns.

A complete intact body of one was found buried in mud.

If only it was still alive, what secrets would it reveal?

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Ground Sloth

Frickin' huge, it could get up on its hind legs.

It has the coolest name of all: MEGATHERIUM.

I really like the work of Japanese print artist Yoshitoshi, 1839-1892.



Biography
Biography with Selected Works
Big gallery
More Yoshitoshi Links

Gillray





Goya