Ex-Hate Listers
Originally all of these people were on my Hate List. But now I just think they are listed in Who's Who 1994 :
* Buggy Mermaid - -
Reptilian in type, but not in habit, Odgar Foots (pronounced "Hotchins") is an avid collector of imported wines and deported sailors. He has defected from his native country of Latvia no less than twelve times, but considers the sixth time to be his best. "I really defected that time. You should have seen it." He enjoys reverse fishing, a sport little-known in the West. "It involves casting your lure up into the air, and making sure it gets caught in a tree or a low-flying plane. I like it." But despite his animosity towards the weak-minded, Mr. Foots is weak-minded himself, a fact he categorically denies unless severely tortured. "Aaaah! That hurts! Okay, okay. I'm "weak-minded". Whatever. Now will you please stop poking me with hot sticks?" Next year, Odgar Foots is planning on a weekend trip to his alma mater, an abandoned school we found for him, just so that he could say he had somewhere fancy to go for a weekend trip. Never wanting to stay at the same place at the same time, he now stays at four different locales during eight different years. Right now he's got a little flat in 12th Century London. "Yeah, but the flat isn't 12th Century. Nor is it located in London", says Odgar, an alleged Pisces.
* Potted Dwellow - -
Ivey Stanplick, the ambivalent overseer, is by no means, a "mean customer". She gave digital watches to impoverished infants and told them they were "time-talking toys". No arrests were made, but the police did make a point of expressing their interest. "She shows a lot of promise", said Sgt. 788-0, "maybe one day she'll beat me at cheese chess." Although her roots are shrouded in dirt and clumps of mud and vegetation (maybe a rabbit burrow or two), she had quite comprehensible beginnings. She was born in a tiny villa on the back of a large octopus named Isaam. It wasn't long before her mother recognized her for what she was: an average-sized baby. Born into a family of hermetic druids, she later abandoned her faith and turned to the more mundane, secular career of mushroom modelling. Her parents re-adopted her at seeing her meticulous urban ways, in the hopes of steering her back to the Fold. Their plan failed, as she has recently "de-adopted" herself with the help of her husband, a robotic turkey lawyer whose name is subject to some doubt (he goes by "Evans"? (highly unlikely)). Being a successful mushroom model hasn't changed her much, she assures the public. "I still like my bagels lightly toasted and stomped on several times a day by my two beautiful children." The children of which she speaks, two rambunctious eight-year old boys and a slightly more rambunctious ninety-year old woman, do not in fact exist (as of press-time). Every other morning she gets up and displays her mushrooms to the public. And on the other mornings while still asleep, she gets a standing ovation from a public nearby, but not hers. Since she is not modelling during these times, she never becomes aware of how much she means to the fans (of other people).
* Cave-dwelling Mayoral Candidate - -
Invisible to all but the fewest pine-cones, Nancy Rittical, is a marine souffleist and professional sonneteer. But not by choice. "I never thought I'd end up this way. It's all been a horrible disappointment to me." We sympathize. But life wasn't all burgundy peaches and soiled water for Nancy. Back when she was in highschool, she was an all-state champion for chucking large ceramic lithographs of Margaret Thatcher at criminals. She credits her experiences in the school gymnasium as some of her best. "Man. Like this one time, Ernie Pawzitch brought a lawnmower to class and he left it there." We sympathize. Owing her failure in her adult life to a bad case of "wanting to just sit around and do little, if anything", Nancy is happy to be adopting five children next month as part of her company's annual "Let's all adopt five children" Month's activities. She is pleased, as this will mean that more than one person will probably end up knowing her on a first-name basis. We hope her children aren't rambunctious.
* Fast-acting Kerpluckity - -
Hardcore Hassel Lamont-Luckynerd invented the prom dress in 1997 at an indeterminate age. Royal scientists have described his face to be oblong in shape, citing it as "most reminiscent of a human's face". Appropriately enough, Hassel was born in Shramingham, New Shramingham - a bustling sea port situated neatly between two mysterious masonic lodges (nicknamed "Ed" and "Monster Duck" by the local folk) in the Saherra Desert (not to be confused with its more famous African nephew). His parents, Maureen and Maureen 2, were underground rocket testers. Needless-to-say, their careers failed early on, as they discovered the fires necessary to launch their rockets were a little ineffective covered in 15 tons of dirt. They loved little Hassel dearly and didn't begrudge him for his squat, unshapely body. They overlooked numerous shortcomings in their child such as his belly, which normally reaches a decent size and shape in other humans; but in Hassel's, unfortunately, was somewhat roundish and pronounced. Also, his eyes sometimes squinted in bright sunlight, his hands clasped things not unrarely, and his teeth were less than white. But his parents ignored these flaws and loved him all the same. They really should have been looking a little more closely. Hello, people! Knock-Knock! Big, Freaky-Boy over here! At the tender area behind his ears (just near the earlobes), Hassel learned to count. This was a big deal for everyone within a three-foot radius around him. Turned out Hassel was the only one (a wandering housefly just barely missed making the cut). Hassel didn't just stop with the manipulations of numbers; he eventually learned the alphabet as well, but experiments with adding and multiplying letters ended in failure. He just couldn't get the E to carry the G. Giving up abruptly one day was just the tip of the iceberg. An iceberg that slowly melted, thus making the tip all malformed and wet. To this day, Little Hassel Lamont-Luckynerd is a state-appointed state appointer. He appoints states to their appropriate nations. He would like to thank "just any random person at all in the world, like maybe even some dude in Oklahoma on the street; even a nun or some shit" for making all his dreams come true.
* Buggy Mermaid - -
Reptilian in type, but not in habit, Odgar Foots (pronounced "Hotchins") is an avid collector of imported wines and deported sailors. He has defected from his native country of Latvia no less than twelve times, but considers the sixth time to be his best. "I really defected that time. You should have seen it." He enjoys reverse fishing, a sport little-known in the West. "It involves casting your lure up into the air, and making sure it gets caught in a tree or a low-flying plane. I like it." But despite his animosity towards the weak-minded, Mr. Foots is weak-minded himself, a fact he categorically denies unless severely tortured. "Aaaah! That hurts! Okay, okay. I'm "weak-minded". Whatever. Now will you please stop poking me with hot sticks?" Next year, Odgar Foots is planning on a weekend trip to his alma mater, an abandoned school we found for him, just so that he could say he had somewhere fancy to go for a weekend trip. Never wanting to stay at the same place at the same time, he now stays at four different locales during eight different years. Right now he's got a little flat in 12th Century London. "Yeah, but the flat isn't 12th Century. Nor is it located in London", says Odgar, an alleged Pisces.
* Potted Dwellow - -
Ivey Stanplick, the ambivalent overseer, is by no means, a "mean customer". She gave digital watches to impoverished infants and told them they were "time-talking toys". No arrests were made, but the police did make a point of expressing their interest. "She shows a lot of promise", said Sgt. 788-0, "maybe one day she'll beat me at cheese chess." Although her roots are shrouded in dirt and clumps of mud and vegetation (maybe a rabbit burrow or two), she had quite comprehensible beginnings. She was born in a tiny villa on the back of a large octopus named Isaam. It wasn't long before her mother recognized her for what she was: an average-sized baby. Born into a family of hermetic druids, she later abandoned her faith and turned to the more mundane, secular career of mushroom modelling. Her parents re-adopted her at seeing her meticulous urban ways, in the hopes of steering her back to the Fold. Their plan failed, as she has recently "de-adopted" herself with the help of her husband, a robotic turkey lawyer whose name is subject to some doubt (he goes by "Evans"? (highly unlikely)). Being a successful mushroom model hasn't changed her much, she assures the public. "I still like my bagels lightly toasted and stomped on several times a day by my two beautiful children." The children of which she speaks, two rambunctious eight-year old boys and a slightly more rambunctious ninety-year old woman, do not in fact exist (as of press-time). Every other morning she gets up and displays her mushrooms to the public. And on the other mornings while still asleep, she gets a standing ovation from a public nearby, but not hers. Since she is not modelling during these times, she never becomes aware of how much she means to the fans (of other people).
* Cave-dwelling Mayoral Candidate - -
Invisible to all but the fewest pine-cones, Nancy Rittical, is a marine souffleist and professional sonneteer. But not by choice. "I never thought I'd end up this way. It's all been a horrible disappointment to me." We sympathize. But life wasn't all burgundy peaches and soiled water for Nancy. Back when she was in highschool, she was an all-state champion for chucking large ceramic lithographs of Margaret Thatcher at criminals. She credits her experiences in the school gymnasium as some of her best. "Man. Like this one time, Ernie Pawzitch brought a lawnmower to class and he left it there." We sympathize. Owing her failure in her adult life to a bad case of "wanting to just sit around and do little, if anything", Nancy is happy to be adopting five children next month as part of her company's annual "Let's all adopt five children" Month's activities. She is pleased, as this will mean that more than one person will probably end up knowing her on a first-name basis. We hope her children aren't rambunctious.
* Fast-acting Kerpluckity - -
Hardcore Hassel Lamont-Luckynerd invented the prom dress in 1997 at an indeterminate age. Royal scientists have described his face to be oblong in shape, citing it as "most reminiscent of a human's face". Appropriately enough, Hassel was born in Shramingham, New Shramingham - a bustling sea port situated neatly between two mysterious masonic lodges (nicknamed "Ed" and "Monster Duck" by the local folk) in the Saherra Desert (not to be confused with its more famous African nephew). His parents, Maureen and Maureen 2, were underground rocket testers. Needless-to-say, their careers failed early on, as they discovered the fires necessary to launch their rockets were a little ineffective covered in 15 tons of dirt. They loved little Hassel dearly and didn't begrudge him for his squat, unshapely body. They overlooked numerous shortcomings in their child such as his belly, which normally reaches a decent size and shape in other humans; but in Hassel's, unfortunately, was somewhat roundish and pronounced. Also, his eyes sometimes squinted in bright sunlight, his hands clasped things not unrarely, and his teeth were less than white. But his parents ignored these flaws and loved him all the same. They really should have been looking a little more closely. Hello, people! Knock-Knock! Big, Freaky-Boy over here! At the tender area behind his ears (just near the earlobes), Hassel learned to count. This was a big deal for everyone within a three-foot radius around him. Turned out Hassel was the only one (a wandering housefly just barely missed making the cut). Hassel didn't just stop with the manipulations of numbers; he eventually learned the alphabet as well, but experiments with adding and multiplying letters ended in failure. He just couldn't get the E to carry the G. Giving up abruptly one day was just the tip of the iceberg. An iceberg that slowly melted, thus making the tip all malformed and wet. To this day, Little Hassel Lamont-Luckynerd is a state-appointed state appointer. He appoints states to their appropriate nations. He would like to thank "just any random person at all in the world, like maybe even some dude in Oklahoma on the street; even a nun or some shit" for making all his dreams come true.
