pragalagma

Wanted: one set of BONES belonging to a Mrs. Lady Wickersham.

The husband Donabald will reward the locator with one million dollars. The bones were last seen with a Ms. Lady Wickersham of Newport, Rhode Island, not-to-be-confused with the owner of the bones, who is of New York City, New York.

Lady Wickersham, the "Rhode-Islander", as she has been referred to in the press, is believed to have taken the bones originally because she thought they were hers. She has since read, but chosen to ignore, thousands of angry letters from fans of the "New-Yorker" (rightful bone-owner) that point out her mistake. In a graffiti scrawl on a subway platform wall, she wrote, "The Bones are Mein [sic]. Catch me!" With that, she promptly disappeared from her Rhode Island address and is currently at-large.

Many fans, fraud-bashers, and opportunistic gold-hunters took up the call and have been disguised throughout the cities of the northeast in order to find her and take back the New York City bones.

You, too, can become a bone-hunter! ...a Rhode-Islander Finder!

Here is all you need to know:

~The Characters in the Case~

VICTIMS:



Lady Wickersham (of New York City, New York) : nicknamed "the New-Yorker"; also, "the Mrs."
Aristocrat, actress, rightful bone-owner, with world-wide following;
Her bones were stolen at a hotel in Maine;

Rumored to weep daily on account of her lost bones;
Has no love for husband, but boundless amount for fans (would marry one if proposed to).

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Sir Donabald : nicknamed "Yankee Boy"
Husband to Lady Wickersham (N.Y,N.Y.);
Knighted incorrectly by President Clinton;
Very wealthy (despite economy);
Wants his wife's bones back;

Rumored to be heir of plastic empire;
Also: a direct descendant of an actual dinosaur that lived 66 million years ago (DNA data proves it).

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Inspector Pryvutz :
Police officer currently in charge of missing bones case in New York City, New York;
Incompetent and unkempt, but still a nice person;
Rumored to be in love with both Lady W's and has conflicting loyalties;

Often disguises as plainclothes civilian on the off-chance he'll catch the thief and can fool Donabald into rewarding him with the money.


VILLAINS:



Lady Wickersham (of Newport, Rhode Island) : nicknamed "the Rhode-Islander"; also, "the Miss"
Young, daring, intrepid adventuress, but a bone-napper and wanted criminal;

Currently on the run, or in hiding;

She mistakenly took another woman's bones at a hotel in Maine; then, realizing her mistake, chose to make it a crime, and officially stole the bones in August of this year;
Rumored to be Donabald's mistress, daughter, gardener, hired assassin (sometimes all at the same time);
Has personal symbol of hourglass;
Prone to acts of vandalism and aggrandizement.

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Dooley : Short for "Doolittle"
Parrot;
Rumored to be companion of Lady Wickersham (N, R.I.)

Has red plumage;
Favorite things to say: "Keep your temper", "We're all made [sic] here", and "Curiouser and curiouser!";
May be used as hostage for trade;