pragalagma

test

2009-11-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

Changelings - slides from a presentation

2009-07-07T19:24:00.000-07:00

Life Day 2007

2008-03-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

Life Day Special Edition

March 25th is my personal holiday which I nicknamed Life Day.

This year…

The official animal of Life Day was the sublime and benthic grimpoteuthis, otherwise known as the “dumbo octopus”.

They actually flap their elephant ears while they swim.

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The super-slick, six-sided hexagon was the official shape.

This was largely due to NASA bringing us word that there is a giant hexagon-shaped cloud on Saturn.

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The Queen of Lemons was the official mascot.

Here she is in 1920 giving a thumbs-up to my brother Colin’s birthday (another excellent day).

And speaking of floramorphic humans, I stumbled on this weird circus poster of the "Wonderful Albino Family":

And I photoshop’d it and changed the text all around:

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This is the official Life Day link to a weird web site:

A blog about all things involving fake wood

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And this is the official unintentionally humorous comic book panel:

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Hope you had a Happy Life Day!

Life Day 2006

2008-03-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

MARCH 25TH
LIFE DAY 2 0 0 6

FYI: On this day the following real and fake events were said to occur:

Dante descended to the Inferno

Titan, Saturn's largest moon, was discovered

Britain abolished slavery

John Lennon and Yoko Ono started their Bed-In

The angel told Mary she was pregnant with God

The official animal of this year's Life Day is the binturong, or bearcat.
The bearcat is neither a bear nor a cat, it is a binturong. Note: it is frugivorous. And it smells of popcorn.

On this day, we honor the aviatrix.

We appreciate the juxtaposition of Pirates and Pioneers, this year's double-patches of official heraldry.

This is "Flight of the Witches" by Goya, this year's official Life Day work of fine art. It is one of the scariest paintings I've ever seen, but I like it a lot. In German, it is known as Hexenflug. Hereby, the official word of the day is hexenflug. (it was going to be 'frugivorous" but I changed my mind) Hexenflug can be used as a greeting or an exclamation. I would think if you were to see in real life the subject of this painting, yelling "Hexenflug!" would be an appropriate response. As would: crumpling up into a ball and praying you'll survive the night.

What should I do for Life Day?

You could play a game my friends and I like to call "Blindly-Draw-A-Boar". It's fun. We like it. You get some funny-looking boars out of it.

If you're me, you could get tested to become a green belt in kung fu. (And no, I don't intend to pose as a black belt and wear my new green belt on my head like this gentleman, at least not where anyone else can see.)

You could read Alex's Ode to the Noble Binturong.

Hexenflug, neighbor!

Have a Happy Life Day!

Life Day 2005

2008-03-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

HOORAY FOR TODAY

Today, March 25th, is my personal holiday that I, for lack of a better name, call Life Day.

I celebrate it every year, just like the Wookiees do.

Happy Birthday to Henry II, ~~Frank Oz~~ and the chicken "Chicken Kentucky", who has the distinction of being the first partial birth in space.

This year the official animal of Life Day is the octopus.
It truly is the superhero of the deep.

We also honor on this day the precious few who have been inspired to adopt the semblance of the octopus to fight crime.

And what the hey, we'll even extend our appreciation to those who clearly do no such thing.

A silly man with no teeth, this year's selection of Life Day heraldry.

And I can't forget Ludo. He deserves a nod.

Have a Happy Life Day!

Thanks for celebrating it with me!

Theodore Roosevelt's eldest daughter, Alice:

2008-02-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

She enjoyed shocking people. The press had a field day reporting her various scandalous activities, among which included:
     * Wearing make-up
     * Smoking on the roof of the White House
     * Bragging about speeding in her friend's roadster... while unchaperoned
     * Placing a bet at a racetrack
     * Wearing a boa constrictor around her neck... in public
     * Jumping into a pool fully dressed at one of her dad's junkets
     * Setting off firecrackers and shooting at telegraph poles... from a train

Needless-to-say, women idolized her, and she became the source of songs and poems.

A particular gray-blue color was her favorite, so it was named after her (Alice Blue).

Her father once said: "I can either run the country or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both."

She often possessed what she called ""malevolent detachment".

Ever since they were kids, she tormented her cousin, Eleanor Roosevelt, and would do impersonations of her.

She planted a voodoo doll of Nellie Taft, the new first lady after her father was succeeded, on the White House lawn, and mocked her "hippopotamus face".

She was known as Princess Alice, Mrs. L., and "the other Washington monument".

She loved gossip and is famously known for keeping a sofa pillow with the following phrase embroidered on it: "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me."

She once said, "Coolidge looks like he was weaned on a pickle."

She adopted a trademarked wide-brimmed hat and told President Lyndon Johnson she wore it so he couldn't get close enough to kiss her.

She played poker with Warren G. Harding, was JFK's favorite dinner guest, and acted as Richard Nixon's confidant.

On her piano, she had framed pictures of Joseph McCarthy and Fidel Castro side by side.

She died in 1980 at the age of 96. Her last act was to stick her tongue out at a friend sitting by her bedside.

Fun Facts about the Beluga

2008-02-27T10:48:00.001-08:00

They're the only whale that is white!

Their melon heads can send out sound and "read" their surroundings using echolocation. Plus they act as a cushions when belugas want to push through ice.

As belugas age, their color lightens; they go from dark gray to white. Neat.

Unlike most whales, they can turn their heads and can kind of make faces at you.

Their eyes can be found behind the corners of their mouth and their ears can be found behind their eyes.

Forty percent of the beluga is its blubber.

They swim with icebergs.

They are called the "canaries of the sea".

Do not be fooled by this website. It's filled with LIES.

Fun Facts about Rasputin:

2008-02-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

When he was growing up he was a wild kid, a horse-thief, and a drunk. Apparently the local priest would pay him every week to stay away from church on Sundays.

Some say his grandfather took him as a young boy to visit a monastery, where he first felt religious urges. When they returned, Rasputin dug a hole in the garden and sat for days, absorbing Earth's powers.

Then he became a wandering holy man. Actual quote: "For experience and to test myself, I frequently did not change my undergarments for six months."

He still sinned publicly all the time, engaging in rampant bouts of drinking and womanizing, but because he convinced the Tsarina that he could heal her son's hereditary hemophilia, he stayed one of the most influential men in the government and could get away with just about anything.

His eyes were known to change colors.

He didn't know how to read.

He didn't just treat the Romanovs. His office hours were from 10 am to 1 pm, and any citizen of St. Petersburg could call on him for healing or spiritual support during that time.

In fact, he seldom visited the Imperial Family in the Palace.

Bet you didn't know! His daughter, Maria, became a circus performer and died in Los Angeles.

If you wanted to, you could attribute all of his successes to one thing: hypnotism.

Nobody likes a good hypnotist, however, so it's no wonder some aristocrats lured him to their home and fed him poisoned cakes. Unfortunately, they had no effect. Instead, no doubt in some creepy way, Rasputin asked them to sing for him. They got scared and shot him with a pistol. Which didn't have much of an effect. And he escaped. When they caught up to him, they shot him some more and beat him up. But he didn't actually die until they bound him and threw him into the river.

The Mad Monk is hiding somewhere in these two photographs! Can you spot him and foil his evil machinations?

Remember: All the people in these photographs have probably been hypnotized.

2008-02-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

I didn't know who Mr. Mxyzptlk: is. I stumbled on the name and so I looked him up. Here's what I found:

He's a magical imp jester from the fifth dimension.

He appeared at first as a small bald man in a purple suit, green bow tie, and purple derby hat. But later he grew some hair and changed his color to orange.

By mistake, his name also got changed to Mr. Mxyxptlk.

Some clever blokes decided to explain the mistake by saying the two were actually different, and that one was an "Earth-1" version and the other was "Earth-2". Please.

Lex Luthor eventually taught him how to lie.

Mr. Mxyzptlk became an instrument for post-modern self-deprecating, self-referential humor, breaking the fourth wall and commenting wryly on editorial decisions and genre cliches.

Earth-1 version has a girlfriend named Ms. Gsptlsnz.

In the live-action TV show "Superboy", he is said to be a leprechaun.

This is how Superman sent him back to the fifth dimension (Click to enlarge):

2008-02-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

Inspired by the McSweeney's Recommends page, here's my own attempt:

Henry's Recommends:

Stratego
I don't remember the rules to this board game but I have fond memories of playing it with my brother. It's red vs. blue with spies and bombs in glorious conflict. A merciful end to the bloodshed is delayed as the opposing generals squabble over how to properly pronounce the name.

Bamboo Shoots, also those little corns
Taking Chinese food to the next level.

Michael Palin
This guy's a class act all the way.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn
It's an epistolary novel, which means it's composed entirely of letters written back and forth by all the characters, which means that it won't take long to read, which means you might as well pick up a copy and read it, which means you won't be sorry.

Dr. Katz
This cartoon made with SquiggleVision (TM) is long gone, but it was pretty funny.

The Pixies
A great band. I often entertain fantasies that I'm in heaven and the Pixies circa 1990 are playing live. In Heaven, Everything is Fine.

White Noise
This really helps me fall asleep at night. A good powerful ceiling fan will usually do the trick.

Joust
Every time you hit the button, your ostrich mount's wings flap in this excellent 80's arcade game. Your enemies fly on evil buzzards and will turn into eggs if you bop their heads from above. Catch the eggs before they hatch into newer and more powerful enemies. As far as video games, I might also recommend Lemmings and Tetris.

QB through QL
This is the section of libraries that has aliens, UFOs, Bigfoot, Loch Ness, and all that good stuff. I was compelled as a child to cling fervently to this section and no other, fearful of ever venturing out into the mysterious unknown, aka the rest of the world.

Large Antique Scissors
Especially when they're a tarnished gold. I wonder, what did people cut with them? Was paper thicker back then?

Used CD Stores
What happened? Where did they go? There used to be three or four on the street by campus. Now they're all gone. This is where I want to buy my music. I like paying 8 bucks or maybe finding a discounted CD for 5. There's always that glorious time you go when you find exactly what you're looking for, like cosmic forces are conspiring in your favor.

Holograms
Where you move to one side and it seems to come alive. I want one made of me. Maybe where I'm giving a wink.

Finding out that the puppeteer of a Punch & Judy show is called a Professor
Or that Theodore Roosevelt, in the dead of winter on a river, once chased down a couple of thieves who stole his rowboat, and when he caught up with them he made them surrender, went and borrowed a wagon, set off cross-country with the thieves in custody, and trekked 40 miles on foot in snow-covered Badlands to finally bring them to justice, with the most memorable part being that during this time he managed to read all of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina.

Jackson Five
A few of their songs are proof of God's existence? Difficult to explain.

Admiral Ratbar
Try this at home: Take your Admiral Ackbar action figure and twist its head around 180 degrees so that the pointy part at the back of its head is now in the front where it looks like the nose of a rat. Now you've made Admiral Ratbar! He's the evil antithesis of saintly Admiral Ackbar. No doubt he's in cahoots with Jabba the Hutt. I like how he's still an Admiral.

Aglets
The little plastic sheaths on the ends of your shoelaces. Deftly facilitate easy passage through the holes, or "eyelets". Such spunk on those things. Inspiring.

The Artful Dodger
This is the character in Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist. He's the mischeivous rapscallion with the top hat and man's coat who introduces Oliver to Fagin. When I was a kid, I think I really wanted to be him.

Corvidae
I like the look of the crows and ravens.

Percussion
As in drums. This is going to be the huge thing this Summer.

The General
This Buster Keaton movie inspired Monty Python to make their movies' settings more realistic. Amazing and riveting.

African Tribal Figurines
When I go to a museum, this is pretty much the only area I want to check out. The artists often break up the body and face in such a way that I want to have this power.

Mixing Hummus with Chopped Tomatoes
What a winning combination. Probably best in synthesis with pita.

Walrae
Aye, the walrus is a fine animal.

Things you might like, but I don't:

Post-Henson Kermit the Frog
"Red, Red Wine" by UB40
Joe Matt's Peep Show
Emeril
The comedy of Drew Carey
Poker
The scene in Superman 3 where the ray turns the woman into a robot
Spawn
Sports video games
The science fiction of L. Ron Hubbard
Phantom of the Opera (the musical)
Home videos of mishaps and accidents
Star Wars, Episode II, Attack of the Clones
Hot tomatoes

Overrated:
Most french fries
Tim Burton

Also:
Does anyone else think that the Hey Ya song is actually pretty sad and melancholy?
Or that Korn is upbeat, silly, and happy sounding?

Tapirs

2008-02-27T10:39:00.000-08:00

Tapirs are great. I was once told that I looked like one. They are living fossils.

Either that or aliens. I would make a fun facts list for them but there already is one. I think my favorite is that they can "outmaneuver a dog". But it ain't easy bein' a tapir. They may be going the way of the Stag-Moose.

The Lesser Known Prehistoric Mammals

2008-02-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

I have had a passion for all things Prehistoric and Mammalian, or preferably some combination there-of, since I was a youth!

Approximately 11,000 years ago many of them became extinct. But why? The climate? Human hunters? Probably the latter, damn us.

You probably know of mammoths and smilodons (saber-toothed tigers), but what about the lesser known ones? They are gone and pretty much forgotten...

Giant Beaver

The size of a black bear, it was one of the largest rodents ever.

Know them by their ridged cutting teeth, deep skulls, and roundish, muskrat-like tails.

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Stag-moose

It looks like a cross between an elk and a moose.

It's got funny stilt legs.

Otherwise it was pretty much like a moose.

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Short-faced Skunk

I couldn't find any information on this prehistoric beast, but it was very real.

And it once ruled this planet, no doubt with an Iron Fist.

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Eohippus

The first horse and the smallest, it was 2 feet long and 9 inches high.

Another name for it is Hyracotherium, which oddly enough means "mole beast".

Admit it, you want one as a pet.

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Dire Wolf

It was pretty much like a wolf except it had a bigger head.

Oh, and bigger teeth.

Did I mention it had shorter, sturdier legs as well? Yes.

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Wooly Rhino

As big as an elephant and it had two horns.

A complete intact body of one was found buried in mud.

If only it was still alive, what secrets would it reveal?

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Ground Sloth

Frickin' huge, it could get up on its hind legs.

It has the coolest name of all: MEGATHERIUM.

Yoshitoshi

2008-02-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

I really like the work of Japanese print artist Yoshitoshi, 1839-1892.

Biography
Biography with Selected Works
Big gallery
More Yoshitoshi Links

Gillray & Goya

2008-02-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

Gillray

Goya

Absomanthax

2008-02-27T10:30:00.001-08:00

What did I learn about today?

2008-02-27T10:28:00.002-08:00

The Sargasso Sea is one crazy locale!
It spans the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
Floating over the entire expanse is seaweed called sargassum.
Mariners once feared getting tangled in it or devoured by it.
It's been nicknamed the "Doldrums" because ships would be dead there in the water for weeks.
Also named the "Sea of Lost Ships" and the "Floating Desert".
It moves in a slow, clockwise drift.
Its water is warm and very clear and blue.
You might not realize it's an international meeting place for eels, who are drawn there by unknown forces.

Abraham Lincoln was more than meets the eye!
An 11 year old girl suggested he grow his beard, so he did.
"Bob" was what he decided to name his cat.
Though he wanted to fight in the Civil War, he couldn't, so some random guy volunteered to be his substitute and fight in his place.
A patent was awarded for the device he invented that could lift boats over shoals.
Blemish roll call: a wart on his right cheek, a scar on his thumb from an ax accident, and a scar over his right eye from a fight with a gang of thieves.
He and his wife held seances in the White House.
He liked wrestling and Edgar Allen Poe.

Anansi the West African spider god was tricksy!
He determined the borders of rivers during floods.
Heard of day and night? That's his doing.
Plus he taught mankind how to shovel.
He set himself up as the first king of the human beings.
All the tales and stories in the world are owned by him because he bought them from the sky god in exchange for some animals.
He met his match with the wax girl.
Later he was usurped by the chameleon.
Even if you tell the story of how he was usurped by the chameleon, Anansi gets the last laugh.

My definition of the numbat

2008-02-27T10:28:00.001-08:00

Hello All. Even before the new year, I had been inundated with demands to define the numbat. It may please you to know that I am finally resigned to my fate. What follows will not just be a typical list of fun facts of the numbat, but the actual definition of the numbat. Do with the information what you will. I only ask that you remember this: "Mercy, no matter the form, is an action of the super-human."

The definition of the numbat is as follows...

(please note the somber lack of exclamation points)

Numbats have 52 small teeth.

They have a long sticky tongue.

They are marsupials but with no pouch. How does this work? Dunno.

They live in logs.

Their diet is pure termite (20,000 per day), but sometimes there's an ant in there by accident.

Numbats are widely regarded as very photogenic.

They are slow moving.

Do not mistake my austerity for half-heartedness. I mean what I say.
I have defined the numbat!

Changeling FAQ

2008-02-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

How can I prevent my child from being replaced by a changeling?
Baptism is recommended.
A constant vigil on the child may also prevent exchange.
In the event of the watcher falling asleep, place a key next to the infant.
Also, the laying of a pair of men's pants, preferably the father's, over the cradle or on the child itself, may aid in prevention.

How do I know if I have a changeling?
It has a thick head and staring eyes, and does nothing but eat and drink.
You have grown tired of it.
It is very strong.
It gets sick.
If it hasn't said anything before now, and then it suddenly says, "Ho! Ho!"
It admits to being 800 years-old or older.
Go get the child weighed at a holy place. They'll tell you whether it is one or not.

So I've got a changeling, what can I expect?
In short, a miserable time.
It will laugh when things are going badly for you.
It won't live longer than seven years, although some might last eighteen or nineteen.

What should I do with my changeling?
Trick it into revealing itself.
Abuse it in some way so that the kidnappers arrive, complain, and switch your child back (preferred).
Burn it over flames.
Throw it in the water.

What happened to the mortal child replaced by a changeling?
They may become kings, or help purify the ugly underground people. Reports indicate their eyes become large and dreadful and the hems of their skirts are always dripping wet.

A good rule of thumb when dealing with changelings:

Follow any and all advice given by your community.

Here are some neighbors to the platypus

2008-02-27T10:23:00.000-08:00

Kelly suggests the Frill Neck Lizard

They are not harmful to man!

Their frill can be "activated" by thought alone! Usually out of fright!

September is Frill Neck Lizard Lovers month! (because this is when they mate)

Nobody seems to agree whether they're called Frill Neck Lizards, Frilled Lizards,
Frill Necked Lizards, Frilled Neck Lizards, or even the moronic, Frilled Necked Lizards!

Look to the now-defunct two-cent Australian coin for a depiction of this animal... in relief!

Might I interest you in the wombat?

Wombats are the largest burrowers of all! Name a bigger one, I dare you!

Do not confuse wombats with numbats, another Australian marsupialoid!

A wombat is extremely strong! They can outdig a man with a shovel!

They use biting to express their feelings!

They are the most playful marsupials. This includes head butting, biting, running away to solicit a chase, and the indulging of shoulder rolls and somersaults!

Incidentally, playfulness is considered a measure of intelligence!

Also, the wombat's brain entirely fills its skull, and it has many surface convolutions. My point: Wombats are smarter than koalas!

They don't eat much! Just like some grass, but that's like it!

Let us never forget the kookaburra?

They refuse to build nests!

They are also known as the "laughing jackasses"!

Water is not in their diet!

They seem to like to wake people up!

The aborigines believed that any child who insulted a kookaburra would grow an extra slanting tooth!

They won't eat fish!

A Quick Reminder of G.I. Joe bad guys

2008-02-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

The Baroness: aka Anastasia DeCobray, wealthy European aristocrat and intelligence officer
Buzzer: aka Dick Blinken, Dreadnok who likes to play with chainsaws
Copperhead: operates the swamp vehicles
Destro: aka James McCullen Destro XXIV, field commander and supplier of arms and military hardware
Dr. Mindbender: scientist and master of mind control
Firefly: aka The Faceless Master, professional saboteur
Major Bludd: aka Sebastian Bludd, mercenary
Monkeywrench: aka Bill Winkie, Dreadnok who likes loud explosions, scared of big hairy spiders
Ripper: Dreadnok
Scrap Iron: anti-armor specialist
Serpentor: emperor
Storm Shadow: aka Thomas S. Arashikage, aka The Young Master, ninja
Thrasher: drives the Dreadnok's Thunder Machine
Tomax: one of the twin Crimson Guard Commanders, part-time business executive and part-time international terrorist
Torch: aka Tom Winken, Dreadnok who likes to play with fire
Wild Wiesel: Rattler pilot
Xamot: one of the twin Crimson Guard Commanders, part-time business executive and part-time international terrorist
Zandar: Zartan's brother
Zarana: Zartan's sister
Zartan: master of disguise, ruler of the Dreadnoks

Nate suggests the Tarsier

2008-02-27T10:18:00.001-08:00

Everyone knows the Tarsier is the smallest living primate, has a tail longer than its body, can easily fit snugly in the human hand, and is 36 million years old.

But Did You Know?

They are master leapers and expert hunters!

They have really big sharp needly teeth!

They grab birds in flight bigger than them and eat everything they catch whole, even like feathers and bones and things!

If an ape is the ancestor of a human, and a monkey is the ancestor of an ape, and a tarsier is the ancestor of a monkey, then the tarsier is your great-grandfather (presuming of course that you're human)!

Each of their eyes is bigger than their entire brain and larger than their stomach!

They can't move their eyes though, ha!, so they have to rotate their necks, which they can do nearly 360 degrees around!

The locals of Borneo thought this meant their heads could come off! Uh, Nope. Sorry!

Once again, an animal is named for an attribute of its foot! I would argue the tarsus bone in the foot isn't the tarsier's most distinguishing feature, but I'm apparently wrong!

They're a good example of something cute actually being something really vicious, and still cute!

Tarsiers drink regularly!

Some of them live in mangroves!

A tarsier may rub its face on branches to clean itself!

It will close its eyes when a predator comes near, then suddenly open them and bare its teeth to surprise and terrify the predator away!

All I can say is...

BRING IT ON!

Hark! Is that a puppy growl I hear? Or a brooding hen?!

2008-02-27T10:17:00.000-08:00

Fun Facts about the Platypus:

At first they were dismissed as a hoax by the English!

They're a bunch of loners!

And they spend half the day eating!

One of their favorite foods is the "yabby", a crazy-looking crawfish whose scientific name is Cheerax destructor!

Platypi are the only venomous mammals in the world!

They've been on Earth 180 million years. Before that, who can say?!

The Australian aboriginas called them many things, including but not limited to: mallangong, boondaburra and tambreet!

Describing a platypus as "flat-footed" would be needlessly repetitive, since platypus means that!

Calling one a "duck-billed platypus" is also fool-hardy, because what platypus isn't?!

They make two noises. The first is like a puppy growl, the second is akin to the sound of a brooding hen!

Their bills are amazing and harness the power of electrical impulses to find food and secure gainful employment!

No external ear lobes!

Life Day 2004

2008-02-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

HAPPY LIFE DAY!

It's that day of the year again, my chums: March 25th. Or, Life Day, as it is known to the wookies.

It's a personal holiday of mine. A couple of significant events in my life have occurred on this day. It is a day to honor new and bold beginnings.

Some Life Day Trivia:

On March 25, Sauron was defeated and his ring was destroyed, thus bringing about the start of the Fourth Age. Afterwards, it became New Year's Day for the Gondorans. And also on this day Sam and Rosie Gamgee gave birth to their first child, Elanor, whose name means "Sun Star".

In the real world, John Gutzon Borglum, sculptor of Mt. Rushmore, was born, as was Bela Bartok, David Lean, Howard Cosell, Gloria Steinem, Aretha Franklin, Elton John, and Sarah Jessica Parker.

This year the official animal of Life Day is the white tiger.

This is the White Tree of Gondor, official emblem of the nation of Gondor, and ergo, this year's selection of Life Day heraldry.

A long time ago, wookies on the planet Kashyyyk celebrated Life Day on March 25th. Because of the "Star Wars Holiday Special", everyone thinks Life Day is celebrated around Christmas time. This is patently false. And that's all I'm going to say on the subject.

On Life Day, the wookies light candles together in their homes and are spiritually transported to the starry heavens where they wear long red robes and walk solemnly to a sacred place. Somehow C3-PO and R2-D2 can travel there too, even though they're robots. Hey, Wookies don't judge. Anyway, Princess Leia gets high on something and sings the Life Day song (to the tune of a slow version of the Star Wars theme), and it goes a little something like this:

    We celebrate a day of peace.
    A day of harmony.
    A day of joy we can all share together joyously.
    A day that takes us through the darkness.
    A day that leads us into might.
    A day that makes us want to celebrate the light.
    A day that brings the promise that one day, we'll be free to live, to laugh, to dream, to grow, to trust, to love, to be.

Then she says:

"This holiday is yours but, we all share with you the hope that this day brings us closer to freedom, and to harmony, and to peace. No matter how different we appear, we're all the same in our struggle against the powers of evil and darkness. I hope that this day will always be a day of joy in which we can reconfirm our dedication and our courage. And more than anything else, our love for one another. This is the promise of the Tree of Life."

Happy Life Day, Everybody!

More than you need to know about...

2008-02-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

Question! Who was the celebrated author of "The Dynamics of An Asteroid", a book so advanced that "no man in the scientific press is able to criticize it"?

Why, it's everyone's favorite arch-nemesis, the world's very first supervillain, Professor James Moriarty!

Fun Facts about Moriarty:

What was he a professor of? Why, Mathematics!; he was known to compose treatises on the binomial theorem

He must have been quite the astronomer too, because he lectured about eclipses and wrote books about aforementioned asteroids

After leaving his University Chair but prior to becoming an evil mastermind, he was employed oddly enough as an army coach

Later Holmes would call him the Napoleon of Crime

As the ruler of the London underworld, he was exceedingly generous to his employees; his henchman Moran was paid 60,000 pounds a year (a huge amount in those days, still pretty good even now).

His full name was James Moriarty. Strangely enough, he had a brother named that too - wonder how that worked

The Professor was involved in only two of the Sherlock Holmes' sixty published cases; but what an impression he made

By golly, Sir Lawrence Olivier portrayed him in a movie

His weapon of choice was the "air-rifle", a unique weapon constructed for him by a blind German mechanic

However, it was of no use to him when he sparred with Holmes by the Falls in Switzerland; his enemy employed Baritsu, or the Japanese system of wrestling, causing the poor Professor to plunge to his death on May 4, 1891

Two bits of incidental trivia:

Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson" in the original stories. The phrase's origins have been traced to one of P.G. Wodehouse's comic novels.

Sherlock Holmes had a fat and lazy older brother named Mycroft.

Pangolins are the best animals

2008-02-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

Fun facts about Pangolins:

They burrow for insects!

They're likened to a "living pinecone"!

They can curl into a ball, climb trees, spray a stink like a skunk, and lash about dangerously with their tails!

A pangolin got no teeth!

Their fossil record extends to the Eocene!

Their tongues are longer than the length of their head and body put together!

They have an enormous salivary gland in their chests which they use to lubricate their tongues with sticky, ant-catching saliva!

They have no jugal and the zygomatic arch is incomplete!

Somebody stop them, because they are entirely too cool!

Ultraman monsters

2008-02-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

I've never seen Ultraman, but all the crazy monsters he fights rule!
Look at all the various incarnations of his arch-nemesis Baltan! I am so about the Baltan.

You can even get the monsters in plush form. And a Christmas variation if that's your thing.

Can somebody tell me what the heck's going on here!
Grow
Boohbah

If I had my Bruthers

2008-02-27T10:04:00.002-08:00

My brother Brian singing "Rainbow Connection"

INTERCEPTED! Colin show-cased in a poster on NY subway (?) wall

Nellie Bly

2008-02-27T10:04:00.001-08:00

I have a new hero, Nellie Bly, 1864-1922.

Practically inventing the field of investigative journalism, her career started when she was hired at age 18 by a Pittsburgh newspaper after writing a spirited response to a sexist editorial. Driven to investigate society's ills, such as the slums and sweatshops, she would often go undercover to infiltrate them and expose their problems, which led to many reforms. She pretended to be insane and got herself admitted to a notorious insane asylum, became a purse snatcher to get an insider's look at New York's jails, and posed as a prostitute, producing an amazing story about an infamous pimp. In 1889, she attempted to ape "Around the World in 80 Days" and managed the trip in 72 days, using steamer, train, horse, burro and rickshaw. She was welcomed back with a big parade on Broadway, fireworks, and a brass band. All this before she was 30! At age 31, Bly retired from journalism and married business tycoon Robert Seaman. When he died, she ran his businesses for nearly ten years, instituting numerous reforms to benefit the workers. After retiring from business, she traveled in Europe and upon the outbreak of WWI, returned to reporting.

For more information:
Nellie Bly
Another Biography
Daredevil reporter
Complete text of her book, Around the World in 72 Days

Nellie Bly Trading Cards commemorating her circumnavigation!

Fondness

2008-02-27T10:02:00.001-08:00

Very fond of this photograph. It's replacing last year's this.

I like this photo

2008-02-27T10:00:00.002-08:00

I like this photo of this lady. Her name, in case you wondered, was Beatrix Potter.

(If you look at it long enough, she will actually look back at you. Try it, you'll like it.)

Shout-out

2008-02-27T10:00:00.001-08:00

I just want to give a shout-out to all my readers. Y'all are the biscuits!

5 Reasons Why Battle Cats Make Terrible TERRIBLE Pen Pals

2007-10-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

1) I was penpals with this one Battle Cat once. His name was Colonel Whiskers.
He was cool at first but then all he ever wrote about was conquering Pluto. I
don't even think Pluto is a planet any more.

2) Battle Cats never send money like grandma. Sometimes she sends candy which is impressive because she has like thirty grandchildren. How many pen pals does a Battle Cat normally have? A couple. Just. A couple.

3) I know this might not be relevant but there's a Battle Cat who lives next
door to my house. I can talk to him whenever.

4) My friend Larry once told me that Battle Cats never forget. Anything. So
like if you pissed one of them off they would never forget and they might try to
kill you.

5) Battle Cats can't really write.

Text by the B.

Old heads

2007-07-25T12:13:00.001-07:00

Gothmog Fan

2007-07-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

This is High King Fingon fighting Gothmog. Gothmog is the most powerful of Balrogs. He's the High Captain of Angband. Guess who won in this fight? Not the elf, that's for sure.

He also took out Fëanor and Echtelion. Anyway, I'm a fan.

Best fight!

2007-07-25T12:10:00.001-07:00

I like it when Gandalf fights the Balrog, aka Valarauko, Flame of Udûn, Durin's Bane.

Toucans on ebay

2007-07-25T12:09:00.001-07:00

Items for sale found on ebay:

The Great Garloo

2007-07-25T12:08:00.001-07:00

Grun the Primeval

2007-07-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

My family as pirates

2007-07-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

I'm the one clutching the knife.

Misc.

2007-07-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

Freya Rocks!

Speaking of rocks, Go Stonedar and Rokkon!

Who said "Conquest is made of the ashes of one's enemies."?

Give up? Answer: The one and only Instrument of Destruction

Anyone who doesn't think he's the most handsome of Transformers doesn't know what they are talking about.

Duel

2007-07-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

2007-07-25T12:01:00.002-07:00

Gene Wilder's creepy head

2007-07-25T12:01:00.001-07:00

Event 18 lore

2007-07-25T12:00:00.002-07:00

Excerpt from the SECRET BOOK OF TACTICS :

Eighteentheists believe in a god we cannot see, not so much out of a sense of faith, but out of a sense of Strategy. A lot of people look for evidence that God exists. Well, we at Event 18 don't want any evidence. We stick our fingers in our ears, close our eyes, hop up and down, and mumble "I'm not listening!" to ourselves over and over whenever such evidence is presented to us. This is a very sacred act; children are taught this Tactic at a very young age. We believe it is good Strategy towards attaining Eighteenancy. On the subject of Atheists: they are not bad. Rather, they are considered our unwitting spiritual brothers and allies. We at Event 18 encourage each other to flash appreciative smiles in their direction, and/or provide them furtive thumbs-ups and occasional high-fives (apropos of nothing). Why not give a wink at an Atheist? They are doing us all a great service.

Costume idea

2007-07-25T12:00:00.001-07:00

Hey Kids! Need a costume for Halloween? Why not go as Madam Gingerbell?

Event 18: Best Religion 2003!

2007-07-25T11:59:00.001-07:00

Pox

2007-07-25T11:56:00.002-07:00

Found this quote online from somebody's web log :

"A zest in the ferreting out of the obscure,
a positively detective zeal in the running to earth
of this most subtle master of the dissembling art,
that is the foremost asset of the clinical syphilogist."

--- John H. Stokes, Modern Clinical Syphilogy

The blogger got the quote from a book that came out a few years ago called "POX - Genius, Madness, and Mysteries of Syphilis" by Deborah Hayden, which, among other things, devotes each chapter to a famous person who might have suffered from the disease. I contacted the author and she was pleased to hear from me, citing my grandfather as an inspiration.

Clone story 8

2007-07-25T11:56:00.001-07:00

I am made up of four indistinct clones of a variety not found on this plane nor on the proximate planes adjacent to this one.  I have thoroughly researched my claim and expect no criticism.  On Tuesdays I have an expert checker make sure that the four clones are indistinct and as a whole encompass and compose my current external being.  I pay the man well.  His salary is comparable to those adopting similar advocations.  I keep a good relationship with him and the other workers.  Bi-weekly written reports inked into paper by my employees indicate to me any areas that need improvement.  As it stands I am receiving quite satisfactory marks in this regard.  A scientist by the name of Wartgrope is a cunning young fellow in my employ.  I send him out on errands of a mercantile variety.  The Grocery Store is a common destination point.  As is the Bank and the Local Constabulary.  It is in the latter that I purchase protection.  A hundred armored "cop" soldiers can keep me guarded while I take daily walks, pic-nic, or invite acquaintances over to the compound for a game of squash.  As I have told the newspapers on numerous occasions, I do not utilize their services for outright militaristic activities.  They are merely employed for defensive measures.  Friends of mine consider the police people as an excuse to keep personal armies and wage war on neighbors.  I approve and support because they are my friends.  Secretly, however, I feel as if civilization is fragmenting as a result of their ill intentions.  Quakes from within the structure are slowly weakening the outer surface.  Like civilization, I shudder, barely able to contain the sense of dread and anxiety I feel for the fate of our great society.

I drank about a pound of water yesterday.  I also found two meals.  This is an improvement over last year from this date.  I commemorated the anniversary by fervently wishing for my own well-being.  I did not notice any changes in my sweating patterns.

I should tell you about my good friend Hansa O'Plaus.  She is an aunt to the Governor.  As well as an accomplished fish collector.  I see her every Sunday and Wednesday for reasons neither of us are ready to disclose, nor truly understand.  It is a harsh practice of stretching gloves, our favorite pastime together.  We do not make the job easy for ourselves, I believe we do so because we are purposefully trying to lead lives of struggle and romance.  Hansa's favorite hair is blonde.  Her favorite dish is the plate.  I have remarked to many how much I enjoy her choice of clocks, and I won't do so again here.  One thing I wish to touch upon is her decision to keep assorted dogs on the second floor.  My opinion is that they are aesthetic oddities.  A visitor to the second floor will no doubt be surprised to see them dotting the carpets and sometimes even draped about the furniture.  There are times when I have suggested to Ms. O'Plaus that she build enclosures around them so visitors won't be so surprised.  But as time has grown, I have become accustomed to the sight of the various dogs.  I believe they provide important services.  Scientists are still discovering their capabilities with heat and light.  When I call the Science Center, the men there are always eager to assure me that much work is proceeding with dogs and I shouldn't worry.  I have heard they might be good for healing small wounds.  At any rate, Ms. O'Plaus (Hansa) is enamored with the dogs and I will not tamper with the aesthetics she has chosen for the second floor.

Ms. O'Plaus is considering becoming a neighbor to the city's vast homeless population.  She is looking into portable living spaces.  I believe there are a number of affordable options, most notably the one that resembles a castle.

Esther poem

2007-07-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

        Twas a night such as this with the water all still
        And the cold wind so cutting that your bones feel the chill
        On Widow's Pillows, near the Cape of Luncumber
        The crew of Red William endeavored to slumber

        'Fore the Sandman could start to dispense his supply
        The night air be punctured by a terrible cry
        Brooding over the prow was a dark plum-red cloud
        It be what which is known as a "shrieking spectral shroud"

        Now the Shroud is a ghost and a vile one at that
        It can swallow you whole and spit out your fat
        It hungers for flesh, it'll settle for souls
        Your mind's made its slave which it cruelly controls

        Now a pirate is fearless when it comes to most things
        Like the thunder of cannons or the threats of daft kings
        He's not scared of a tussle, a row, or a brawl
        The noose, or a knife edge, or a nasty black squall

        But as soon as there's something supernatural or ghastly
        You can bet he'll be screaming and fleeing quite fastly
        And this night's no exception to that one simple rule
        For when the men eyed the Shroud, not a one kept his cool

        Some jumped overboard, which is not very wise
        For the sharks known to eat you 'fore you says yer good-byes
        Others climbed to the crow's nest - This I don't recommend
        For if harpies assault you, it be hard to defend

        There's not a thing to be done 'cept to run 'round and whoop
        Wave your arms to-and-fro, and act like a big doop
        Go ahead panic, make ruckus, lose all composure
        Be aware that your life's due for imminent closure

        So most of the pirates in a very small area
        Flipped out, went daffy, and succumbed to hysteria
        But there was one on-board that was brave and undaunted
        Who remained unfazed when the ship became haunted

        She was a lovely lass who went by the name Esther
        And when it came to ghost-catchin', there was none who could best her
        She could exorcize, ensorcel, as well as ensnare
        Hoodwink and hornswoggle even the Scariest Scare

        Head on she faced this phantasmic force
        Its frightful shriek contained not a hint of remorse
        And while all around her raged the mad pirate mob
        Esther just stood there and appraised the big blob

        She calmly said, "Pardon me, Mr. Shroud, sir
        I think that the Captain and I would prefer
        That you found a new ship to plague and pursue
        Please take your leave... You're blocking our view"

        After saying these words she lifted her hands,
        And traced mystic sigils no one understands
        She muttered some things to make her spell complete
        And -Poof!- The Shroud vanished with one final bleat

        "All's clear! The nightmare's gone!", Ms. Esther said
        Then she bid them good night and went back to bed
        No pirate noticed of course due to the din
        It took until dawn for her words to sink in

        For the rest of the night, the crew of Red Willy
        Ran around scared and acted quite silly
        Despite this loud bedlam and raising of hell
        Esther still managed to sleep rather well

        When they saw that the spectre had been sent away
        The pirates gave out a big, "Hip! Hip! Hooray!"
        "I am happy to help", Ester said with a bow
        Now could everyone please wash themselves now?"

        That's the thing about Essie, she liked everything clean
        But nobody minded maintaining their hygiene
        For with Esther around there was nothing to fear
        She made the Main safe for every single Buccaneer!

Phantom Creeps robot

2007-07-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

This is the Mechanical Monster Robot from the 1939 serial "The Phantom Creeps".
It is just one of the deadly inventions created by Dr. Alex Zorka, who, driven mad by his wife’s death, invents deadly things in order to destroy and/or conquer mankind.

It's Bela Legosi as the evil Dr. Zorka!
Zorka gloats, "One by one my enemies will be disposed of until I am master of the universe!"

It's not easy bein' the tallest structure in Paris and one of the most recognized monuments in the world

2007-07-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

Sucks to be the Eiffel Tower (see photograph directly below this caption). Am I right, folks?

I just thought you guys might want to know these things:

2007-07-25T11:51:00.002-07:00

Residue crystals from Atlantis cause the Bermuda Triangle.

Helena Blavatsky and the theosophists of the late 19th century revealed that
the Atlanteans had invented airplanes and explosives and grew extraterrestrial wheat.

They also alerted us to the existence of Mu, a lost continent in the Pacific Ocean, similar to Atlantis, but NOT Atlantis, for it is called MU.

On Mu, or alternatively, Lemuria, there lived a race of fifteen-feet-tall, four-armed, brown-skinned psychic hermaphrodites, whose eyes were set far apart on their flat faces so they could see sideways, and whose feet had protruding heels, enabling them to walk either forward or backward (Their choice).

These freaky Lemurians were known as the "Third Root Race", and some (but not all) of the them had a third eye on the back of the skull.

Before they became extinct, they hatched the "Fourth Root Race". These were human beings that lived on Atlantis. Unfortunately, they were all destroyed by black magic.

You and I might not know it, but we're the Fifth Root Race.

There will be Seven Root Races total. Our ultimate fate, according to Madame Blavatsky, is that after the Seventh
all life will leave planet earth and start afresh on Mercury.

Is there anyway that we can go back to live on Mu instead? That's where I want to go.

Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu. Mu.

Henery Hawk

2007-07-25T11:51:00.001-07:00

Remember Foghorn Leghorn from the Looney Tunes cartoons?
There was a chickenhawk that joined him in several episodes and I just found out his name was...

Gandhi letters

2007-07-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

I found online the correspondences of Samuel Evans Stokes and Gandhi.

Another relative, but more distant:

Descendants of Thomas Stokes the Settler

2007-07-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hey Kids! Click on this Picture to Enlarge. Then Print it out, Color it, and Trade it in at School for Food!

Thomas and Mary Stokes were London Quakers who came to New Jersey in 1677 on the ship "Kent".

Thomas is known in family tradition as "the Settler." He and Mary had five children. Two of them were Joseph and John.

Joseph

He married Judith Lippincott and they had a son named Samuel.
Samuel built a house and he named it "Harmony Hall".

Still around today, it was with the family for 120 years. Sam married Hannah Hinchman and thier son John Hinchman Stokes became a doctor and married Ann Evans.
Ann Evans was his second cousin. But exactly how is still uncertain. Either her mom was Bathsheba Stokes, daughter of Joseph, Thomas the Settler's son. Or her dad was Nathaniel, who was the son of Joseph, jr., husband of Esther Newlin, brother to Samuel, and a son of Joseph (the Settler's son). The latter makes more sense since it explains how the name Newlin entered the family.

Either way, John Hinchman and Ann Evans had a son, John, jr., and he was a doctor too.

Then he and his wife Tabitha Jenkins had a son named Henry Newlin who became a chemist but quit his job to be an occultist.

H.N. and Wilhelmina van den Berg had a son, John Hinchman, and he became an important syphilologist.

And his son James, a doctor as well and a colonel in the U.S. Army, had me.

And my brothers.

Interesting Side Note: Henry Newlin's brother was Samuel Evans and his son Samuel, jr. ("Satyanand") was a really cool guy who went to India and became friends with Gandhi and helped in the struggle there.

John

Thomas and Mary's son John (brother to Joseph - who I directly descend from) married Elizabeth Green (called "Lady Green" in family tradition) and the two of them settled on a plantation they called "Stokingham". They had a son named named John, jr.

John, jr., married Hannah Stockdale. Their son David had a son named Charles who had a daughter named Alice. Now Alice Stokes married William Parry and their daughter Tacie (and her husband William Paul) decided to name their daughter Alice Stokes Paul after Tacie's mom.

Alice Stokes Paul is a famous women's rights leader! And I just discovered my relation to her.

Wodehouse and a Seance

2007-07-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

Spirit photograph

2007-07-24T12:33:00.001-07:00

Skeptics on Theosophy

2007-07-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

Found a really good page with information (of a skeptical nature) about Theosophy...

The Skeptic's Dictionary

In regard to Madame Blavatsky's Ascended Masters (see entry further below), they wrote :

(Note the little jab there at the end)

"These Adepts were said to dwell in the Himalayas, Egypt, Tibet and other exotic places. They are known for their extraordinary psychic powers and are the sacred keepers of some mysterious "Ancient Wisdom". They are not divine, she said, but more highly evolved than the rest of us mere mortals. (Evolution, according to Blavatsky, is a spiritual process.) Their goal is to unite all humanity in a Great White Brotherhood, despite the fact that they dwell in the remotest regions of the world and apparently have as little contact with the rest of us as possible."

And in regard to why Theosophy hasn't exactly taken off as a religion:

"Many people are not likely to take seriously a Russian noblewoman who claimed to have had childhood visions of a tall Hindu who eventually materialized in Hyde Park and became her guru and advisor."

HPB

2007-07-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

The mysterious HPB pictured above and in an entry further down (with attendants) is none other than Helena Petrovna Blavatsky (1831-1891) founder of Theosophy.
For more information on this occultist, project your astral double here.

And here is Madame Blavatsky in a rare photograph posing with some friends. Check them out!

Kuthumi (on left)
A one-time Pharoah, he was also St. Francis of Assisi and one of the three Wise Men. He also built the Taj Mahal.

El Morya (in middle)
Notable past lives include Abraham, King Arthur, and Thomas Becket AS WELL AS Thomas More (taking on two different Henrys).
Let's not forget he was one of the three Wise Men.

and finally,

Saint Germain (on right).
Francis Bacon (aka Christopher Marlowe/Columbus), founder of freemasonry, was a master swordsman and violinist.

They're all Ascended Masters, and she could channel them using her occult powers.

GO HPB!

Pokey the Penguin

2007-07-24T12:28:00.002-07:00

I love Pokey the Penguin.
Who can forget such characters as "The Boxing Glove", "Chicken Delicious", "Old Man Nutty", "the Devil", and "Fruitcup the Clown"?

Drama

2007-07-24T12:28:00.001-07:00

HPB and attendants.

2007-07-24T12:27:00.000-07:00

toucan shakers

2007-07-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

I bought these salt and pepper shakers off of e-bay.

The band

2007-07-24T12:25:00.002-07:00

A rare photograph of the now defunct band "Marfa and the Worthies". I'm the drummer on the right.

Get Prohibited

2007-07-24T12:25:00.001-07:00

My brother Brian decided to make shirts, mugs, and other knick-knacks with the all-too-familiar "Due to heightened security measures, is prohibited." phrase they have on signs everywhere these days.
After an intensive brainstorming session with me, only a couple made the cut. I'm proud to say "monkeys" was one of them. Here are some more ideas:

Due to heightened security measures, adverbs are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, necromancy is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, amputation is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, attending your aunt's birthday is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, heightened security measures are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, Kansas is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, envelopes are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, breakfast cereals are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, Armageddon is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, catching your flight on time is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, clowns are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, red glowing eyes are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, bermuda shorts are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, fishsticks are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, lunar eclipses are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, invisibility is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, cavorting is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, peanut butter sandwiches are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, magical abilities of any kind are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, sushi is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, tickling is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, the internet is prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, goldfish are prohibited
Due to heightened security measures, dental floss is prohibited

Guess who?

2007-07-24T12:24:00.002-07:00

Wheeljack made him from a hologram of museum skeletons.
His function was "Desert Warrior".
His comrades were Slag, Sludge, and Swoop.

Kraken

2007-07-24T12:24:00.001-07:00

Below the thunders of the upper deep;
Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
About his shadowy sides: above him swell
Huge sponges of millenial growth and height;
And far away into the sickly light,
From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
Unnumber'd and enormous polypi
Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
There he hath lain for ages and will lie
Battening upon huge seaworms in his sleep,
Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by man and angels to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Faker He-Man

2007-07-24T12:23:00.002-07:00

A being created by Skeletor himself with the aim of looking exactly like He-Man, to create maximum trouble and confusion. Unfortunately for Skeletor something went wrong in the spell, and Faker is a miscolored and negative version of He-Man, easily detectable as the evil being he is. Through magic, Skeletor can make him into an exact likeness, but the spell lasts only a very short time, and the evil creature is soon revealed.

cactus

2007-07-24T12:23:00.001-07:00

Plague Doctors

2007-07-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

Store and Song

2007-07-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

A stationary stationery store in London that bears my name.

A favorite song.

My brother is a sailor in a play

2007-07-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Above: That's my brother Colin on the far right.
Below: That's him aping the ape.

Nostradomesque

2007-07-24T12:19:00.002-07:00

I was feeling like Nostradamus yesterday:

    why dig
    behold the last passing of the sun of sin
    withholding under my prestigious aims
    fortune's wary of the divine wrath stone.
    an argument's membrane secures only in peace.
    it's a sin, said the actor , and none but the fools carry the gold.
    and through my eyes i cast out the face of wings
    as actual as a walk in the night
    under white capped waves.
    my wit is hunger
    my end time is fed
    by the wishes of hags
    of the bats in the stews
    and of enigmas wrought from shepherds' toil.
    down in the ivory iron cottages,
    far back waiting spines for slow sweet
    hand-over-hand instruction
    lying perforated as it is hemmed
    a not castle
    broken by the teething men who
    by writ and law are not given tongues
    are not given hands
    who won't give purchase to your calls and cravings.
    as it is the stone as it is made
    the ever-melting cones emote villainy and cowardice
    i am sick and saddened
    marooned by schools of fish
    out here stating these flat corner plans
    humbled by the gray numb
    i wear the red splash as a vote for animals
    and practice in decay.
    he says, son
    you've got to sail
    into the well.

Where's Zooch?

2007-07-24T12:19:00.001-07:00

I wanted to share with you something that my drawing teacher Pehr told us in class. He told us a story of when he was in college and all of his friends made something up that they enjoyed joking about. It was called "Mike Zooch and Dr. Devious". One person would be Dr. Devious and would speak in a whiny villainy voice. Apparently Dr. Devious was traveling across the dimensions to find Mike Zooch. Here's how the game might be played:

Dr. Devious: "Where's Zooch?!"
Other person: "Um, Zooch isn't here, Dr. Devious."
Dr. Devious: "LIES!"

Dr. Devious would always say "LIES!" to everything, even if there was no reason to pluralize.

Choose your own adventure

2007-07-24T12:18:00.002-07:00

Brennan and I started a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure.

Buster and a kitten

2007-07-24T12:18:00.001-07:00

Probably not accurate, but still...

2007-07-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Ranulphus De Praers Lord of Vil of Stokes 1038
William de Stoke or Fitz Ranulf 1088
Sir Richard De Stokes Knight 1117
Roger De Stokes Baron of Walton 1140
Robert De Stokes Lord of Clavering 1161
John De Stokes Baron of Walton 1181
Robert De Stokes Custodian of Newcastle Mnt 1203
Richard De Stokes Burgess of Colchester 1231
Edmund De Stokes 1268
Robert De Stokes 1303
John De Stokes 1329
Thomas Stokes 1357
Robert Stokes, esq. 1382
Thomas Stokes, esq. 1410
Thomas Stokes 1438
George Stokes 1466
Thomas Stokes 1498
John Stokes 1535
Henry Stokes 1566
Henry Stokes ?
Thomas Stokes Sr. Burgess of Colchester 1640
Joseph Stokes Sr. 1682
Samuel Stokes Honorable 1711
John Hinchman Stokes 1764
John Hinchman Stokes 1782
Henry Newlin Stokes 1859
John Hinchman Stokes 1885
James William Stokes 1939
Henry Alexander Stokes 1977

My friend and a frog

2007-07-24T12:16:00.002-07:00

Lyrics

2007-07-24T12:16:00.001-07:00

"Man was born to love-
Though often he has sought
Like Icarus, to fly too high
And far too lonely then he ought
To kill the sum of east and west
And hold the world as his behest
To hold the terrible power
To whom only gods are blessed-
But me, I am just a man"

Alec and a duck

2007-07-24T12:15:00.001-07:00

Story of Bread

2007-07-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Bread is very exciting. Don't believe it? Well, I'll SHOW YOU!... The Story of Bread (with Miss Sunbeam)

Young Oswald

2007-07-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

Bread and Unh!

2007-07-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

Everything in the frickin' world comes down to Bread

****************************************

From the Unh! Project

Veggies

2007-07-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Unearthers

2007-07-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

I wrote some more about those mysterious beings, the Unearthers.

Big Bird Rap

2007-07-24T10:45:00.003-07:00

In the wake of September 11th I escaped into the writing of a parody of Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back" entitled Big Bird Got Beak.

Thoughts

2007-07-24T10:45:00.001-07:00

well i am thinking about investing in the stock market.. what do you think?
also, i want to marry a baby. it's my new idea. i want a priest to do the rites and legal stuff so that i am united in holy matrimony to an infant. any infant will do. i'll take an iguana or larger-sized lizard over a baby if we can't find one. the important thing is that it isn't an actual adult person. then there'd be nothing unusual about it. i am currently in a phase where i do things "weirdly" and i avoid usual things. i don't wear shirts anymore, for example. i now wear something i like to call 'pirts'. they are basically pants wrapped and draped around the shoulders. i also call them "shants". at the wedding i will be wearing a bowtie as a belt, and a c3p0 mask. the baby (or iguana whatever) should have a black headband and maybe an orange tennis skirt. expect spectacle.

The elephant and the lady

2007-07-24T10:44:00.003-07:00

Old proverb

2007-07-24T10:44:00.001-07:00

I found online that there's a vulgar peasant proverb about old people having strong sex drives:

"The devil stokes in an old stove."

You and I know they were really saying :

"The devil Stokes in an old stove."

Cause that's where I live! Ha-ha! : BURNING AND BURNING.

Observations:

2007-07-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

I think I've reached the point in life where I realize that french fries are overrated.

k=b/2 : Knowing = Battle/2

"Don't bust my chops."... It's not a bad expression.

We're gonna remember this time in our lives as the period where we drank vanilla coke.

I really like guacamole. I mean REALLY.

The movie "Dirty Dancing" is really this elaborate hallucination from the point of view of Baby, who is a schizophrenic. The holiday camp is actually an insane asylum. Patrick Swayze does not exist, but is merely a construct of her subconscious.

I wish I lived on the death star. Yes, yes. I know my life there would be doomed. What with the inevitable arrival of the little rebel starfighters and their proton torpedos... but it'd be worth it... up to that point, I mean.

If I go to sleep and Freddy Krueger chases me through the dream world... I have decided I am going to stop, turn around, introduce myself, and shake his hand. "Would you mind accompanying me to a matinee?" I will ask amicably. Because quite frankly he no longer scares me. I have seen creepy life-like dolls from Switzerland and now nothing in this world can measure up. What once was nightmare equals picnic.

I hear that Kangaroo Jack stars you and is good.

Random guy

2007-07-24T10:42:00.001-07:00

Caroly

2007-07-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

Professor Caroly wrote articles revealing Dr. Sarak (my great-grandfather's nemesis) as a charlatan.

The Monkey Trick

2007-07-24T10:40:00.000-07:00

From Dr. Doolittle:

"Many great exploreers and gray-bearded naturalists have lain long weeks hidden in the jungle waiting to see the monkeys do that trick. But we never let a foreign man get a glimpse of it before. You are the first to see the famous Bridge of Apes.' And the Doctor felt very pleased."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daily wisdom:

A master took his 2 students into a forest. There he took a hollow coconut with a small hole and inserted sweet rice. Then he tied it to a tree and waited with his student nearby. Soon, a monkey came along, sniffed the rice, inserted his paw, and screeched in frustration when he was unable to withdraw his paw (now a fist clenching the rice) through the narrow opening.

"Let go of the rice, silly! Run!" screamed the students, amazed by its obvious stupidity... but to no avail.

"What was the trap that caught the monkey?" asked the master.

"Rice," said one student.

"The coconut," said another.

"No," replied the wise master, "The trap was greed - he only had to let go of his attachment to be free. Likewise, we are the ones who trap ourselves. We are always responsible. The real trap is always within, not out there. The causes of suffering are in us. External situations are only conditions."

With that, he hacked the coconut open... and the unrepentant monkey ran away with a fistful of rice.

"He won't be so lucky every time. This is how they catch monkeys here! Don't be like him! Am I being compassionate trying to teach the monkey and you this lesson? But did he really learn? What is in your monkey fist that you still hold on to?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ain't nothin' in my monkey fist!

Quid Dolum Simii?

Emily's b-day present

2007-07-24T10:39:00.001-07:00

Emily's birthday present
Note the fact that she is not wearing glasses. A later proof was corrected of the problem.

Tok takes 'em on

2007-07-24T10:36:00.004-07:00

18

2007-07-24T10:36:00.003-07:00

Did you know?

Eighteen is a cardinal number. The cardinal numbers originated from Cantor's proof that there are `more' real numbers than integers. This was the start of the modern concept of mathematical infinity!

If eighteen 6-foot tall humans decided to stand on each other's heads, they would be as tall as the Gemini-Titan rocket 108 feet!

A cockroach has 18 knees!

The 1998 "God Floor" a recreation of Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam" from the Sistine Chapel, took Aaron Christiansen and Kurt Jull eighteen days to paint at the Bingo Hall!

The fish known as the Witch Flounder can grow to be eighteen years old!

Eighteen foreign counterfeit operations were suppressed in 1990!

The plot of the 18th episode of Green Acres deals with Oliver becoming annoyed that NOBODY has called for his services as an attorney!

Rats multiply so much that in eighteen months, two rats could have over a million descendants!

Rats can't vomit!

Saddam Hussein Dream

2007-07-24T10:36:00.001-07:00

I had a dream in which Saddam Hussein was the leader of a
cult I was in. Everybody in the cult with me was trying to please
him but we all knew he was a crazy dangerous madman. He was really
angry with us and was yelling about how we weren't doing things
right. At one point he pulled me out of the crowd to demonstrate a point of his.
He wasn't angry with me personally and I think he was just picking
me randomly. I don't think he even knew who I was. But I was
nervous. He could easily have me executed. Saddam handed me two very
long sticks and had me use them like stilts in front of the crowd.
It was very dangerous and I could have been seriously injured, but I
went ahead and did the stunt. Then he was like, "Now go use the
sticks and vault yourself over the pit of flame! This will
illustrate the point I am making to you stupid people!" The sticks
had now shrunk to about a foot length in my hands so in retrospect
I'm not sure how one vaults over a pit of flame with them, but in
the dream, I figured it was possible though still really really
dangerous. I boldly told Saddam that I would need the flames
temporarily turned off so that I could practice a couple times over
the pit. He said "That's crazy! Now I will go try it myself to prove
to all of you it can be done." Then he ordered the flames to be
turned off, grabbed the sticks and ran towards the pit. He threw the
sticks down, made a big leap, and with a loud splash, flopped right
into the middle of the pit which was now filled with water. If the
flames had been on, he would have been in serious trouble. There was
an awkward pause from all of us as we tried to figure out what to
do. It was really funny to see our evil cult leader in such an
embarrassing position and we wanted to laugh. But, he was in power
over us and could execute us all if he wanted. I decided to do the
safest thing. I started clapping and saying "Bravo! That was
incredible!". And then the rest of the cult followed suit,
applauding Saddam as if he'd just done the stunt correctly. Saddam
nodded and accepted our praise. He clearly wanted to avoid
embarrassment and was pleased the situation had turned to something
other than him looking bad. Saddam then said, "Okay... moving
on...", and whatever he was trying to prove with me and the sticks
was forgotten, thank goodness. He was a lot less angry with us after
that too.

Tok the Dwarf Monk

2007-07-24T10:33:00.002-07:00

A D&D character I played. I made this animation based on a Street Fighter one.

In Their Place

2007-07-24T10:33:00.001-07:00

Who knows when the gods came to the place? It was there for the taking, as they saw it, so they took it, and set up shop. The construction of their heavenly abode, what the mortals would later call the Firmament, began immediately. I think it was Casmek the architect that first came up with the idea. He and Janour the Contriver were looking over some of the blueprints.

"Seems like an awful lot to do.", Casmek said. "Why don't we get some help?"
"What do you propose?"
"Well how about you make something? Some kind of worker that can build all of this? "
"I'll see what I can do.", said Janour. And off he went to work.

The first humans were similar to the popular shape of the time, all long and leggy, with little phalanges on the end bits. Symmetry was in fashion that season, too, and so was hair on the top of the head.

"Only lasts 70 to 80 years, maybe more, sometimes less.", said Janour. "And they're rather small and can't change shape. But I can make a ton of them."
"Good enough. Make those over there bring me that screwdriver."

Soon word of "the Help" - as they were called at first, spread throughout the pantheon. Everyone wanted a hundred or more of the little helpers. And in a flash (to gods anyway - to humans it was millennia), the heavens were built as envisioned (with minor adjustments to be made no doubt until the end of time).

None of the gods really needed the Help after that, really. A couple of gods were fascinated by all the little cultures that had sprung up over time, and grew fond of them. Many had formed various religious groups that worshipped individual deities. And those deities were rather flattered with the attention. No one really wanted to keep them though. But something had to be done. There was a stretch of land down below, a dumping ground really; the gods called it the Tract. A place to put Janour's other contrivances, a place too to get materials for construction. And it seemed a fitting place for the mortals. "There you go." they said, "your new home." But most of them flew back up anyway - Janour made them all rather too willful. So the gods made all of them stick to the ground, so they wouldn't fly back up. So they would stay in their place.

And that's where gravity comes from.

Professor of Time Travel

2007-07-24T10:32:00.002-07:00

I was on a radio show for awhile as a professor of time travel. We were supposed to make bios for the webpage but mine was never put up.

So I went ahead and did it myself. Click here to check it out.